Child Support, Revisited

Quite a while back, I discussed my position on child support. My perception of child support is based on personal experience and interaction with other divorced parents – both male and female. To recap my stance on child support, I am against any form of child support in situations where both parents spend equal time with the child(ren). In cases where on parent is absent in order to pursue a career (or to be a shiftless drifter, or whatever) and the other parent sacrifices a career in order to do what’s best for the kid, child support is absolutely in order. But in cases where both parents are equally involved in raising their offspring, child support should not be an issue.

Eliminating child support in joint custody cases could provide a multitude of benefits. It would encourage both parents to be actively involved in child-raising, it would benefit the economy by encouraging both parents to work, and it would streamline the bloated bureaucracy that is our child support recovery system.

For many years, the court system had a bias toward granting the mother custody of children in divorce situations, and business had a bias toward giving men more pay for the same job. The result was that divorced mothers were often left as single parents, barely making ends meet, and the current child support system was enacted to offset this disparity. This change addressed the financial disparity and made things “fair” toward the custodial parent (usually the mother), but it did nothing to address the needs of the non-custodial parent (usually the father), or the emotional needs of the child. Over time, the court began to realize that having both parents actively involved was better for the child, and the court began awarding joint custody.

The premise behind joint custody is that both parents are equally responsible for the care and upbringing of the child, but closer scrutiny shows this isn’t exactly the case. Inevitably, one parent has more income than the other, and the court still awards child support. This means that the parent with the higher income is de facto more responsible for the care of the child. Abolishing child support in joint custody would be beneficial for everyone involved. It would encourage joint custody, which has been demonstrated to benefit the child. It would benefit the parent paying support by effectively increasing income, and it would benefit the parent receiving support by removing the stigma of having to rely on an ex-spouse for support.

For all intents and purposes, the child support system is a microcosm of the welfare state. Child support is a “tax” on the income of the parent with the higher income, which in turn is granted as an “entitlement” to the parent with the lower income. This tax can range from 10% to over 50%, depending on the number of children involved, the specific custody arrangement, and the incomes of the parents. The majority of the scenarios I’m personally familiar with have the fathers paying the mothers over 20% of their income. This is on top of the roughly 1/3 of our income taken by the government. Between the government and the ex-spouses, these fathers are seeing over half of their income go up in smoke. Isn’t this a disincentive to work? Doesn’t this undermine the desire to move ahead in life and society?

Child support not only discourages advancement on the part of the parent with the greater income, it also deters the parent with lower income from working and advancing. Since child support is tied to the income of both parents, if the poorer of the two parents receives a pay increase, the child support drops proportionally, and in its worst case scenario, this miniature welfare state can cause a “why work when I can get it for free” mentality. Not only does this cause a disincentive for both parents to work toward their maximum potential, this mentality can be passed to the children.

Child support doesn’t impact just the parents. As a result of our child support laws, a huge, nationwide bureaucracy has been established in the form of state child support recovery offices. These bureaucracies are not funded by the parents; they are funded by all taxpayers. By eliminating child support in joint-custody situations, this bureaucracy could be tremendously reduced. This, in turn could allow for a reduced tax burden for all Americans, and it would free up the existing child support case workers to focus on the real deadbeats.

While I agree that child support is warranted in some cases, I am firmly of the opinion that it is counterproductive in joint custody circumstances. Eliminating child support in these instances will benefit children by encouraging both parents to be actively involved in their child’s life. By encouraging both parents to advance economically it will help the adults and provide a positive example for the child, and by reducing the caseload, it would allow existing case-workers to focus on real issues and reduce bureaucracy. Eliminating child support in joint custody cases is a winning solution for everyone.

Who Says Global Warming Sucks?

Anyone who thinks that Global Warming sucks has not visited my little corner of the world. Here in the Midwest, we take pride in our hardy ability to withstand virtually anything that Mother Nature throws our way. The winters can be bitterly cold, the summers bring blistering heat and mosquitoes the size of small airplanes, rivers flood in the spring, and let’s not forget the tornadoes.

Since the planet has been warming up though, the harsh Midwestern weather seems to be losing a bit of its rough edge. The winters in particular have been progressively milder, the floods have been less severe, the mosquitoes have returned to their normal insect proportions and there have been fewer tornadoes. Who would have thought that I’d be able to ride my motorcycle in December and January in Iowa? Before long, Iowa will be the next hot spot for baby boomers to retire and our real estate values will skyrocket. If this is the type of long-term impact I can expect, I say bring it on.

Hey, somebody’s got to benefit from global warming… why not me?

Let Me Evaluate Your Product

According to a Yahoo article, Microsoft has sent out new laptops preloaded with Windows Vista to 90 lucky bloggers. Common sense would dictate that Microsoft did this in an attempt to generate some additional excitement about its new operating system. According to the article, Microsoft "has made it clear that it did not expect the bloggers to give Vista glowing reviews -- or even review Vista at all." That said though, it's pretty obvious what the software company was hoping for.

While some people are bashing on Microsoft, hinting that this act was nothing more than a transparent attempt at generating buzz, I believe it was a stroke of genius. I'll gladly concede that it's a marketing ploy, but it's still smart because they're getting free publicity on several fronts. First, I'll guarantee that a few people will review the new systems, and I'm sure that some people will relay a positive experience. Second, they're generating buzz merely by giving the machines away, and finally, the anti-Microsoft bigots are unwittingly furthering the software giant's goals by spreading the word even further.

This article got me thinking though. Why couldn't I do reviews like that? After thinking long and hard, I couldn't come up with a single reason. With that said, I'm officially throwing my hat in to the "Let Me Evaluate Your Product" ring. This is a dead-serious offer. If you would like someone to evaluate your product and write a review, then let me know! I've got a few rules though...

-I will not evaluate anything and everything that comes my way. I will not test anything that I deem dangerous, that's illegal, or violates American law.

-I will provide an honest evaluation, based on my personal experience. These reviews are mine and mine alone. I will not guarantee any pre-determined review.

-I will state any possible biases or conflicts of interest at the outset of my review.

-I do not necessarily expect to be financially compensated for my reviews, but I do expect some sort of payment. For example, if I evaluate a game, let me have a free copy. If I test a phone, let me keep it for a couple of weeks, and maybe give me the option to keep one permanently. If I test a new computer, let me keep it if I like it.

-If I experience a problem, I will not automatically pan the product. I am willing to work with support personnel as needed, but it cannot cause permanent damage to anything I currently own. (In other words, a new software package cannot require me to reformat my PC due to data corruption, and a new fuel additive cannot require me to rebuild my engine. If this happens, you will pay for said damages.)

-I will sign non-disclosure agreements if I am beta testing a product, but expect to be able to write a longer review and publish the review when the product is released.

If you are interested in hiring me to evaluate your goods, products or services, please leave a comment on this post, letting me know how to contact you.

Not Really News

Today, in the tradition of "Saturday Night Live" and "Not Necessarily the News," I bring you news and commentary from our mainstream media... Evan-Style

You're NOT Fired! (But it'll cost you)

Tara Conner, this year's Miss USA, has been the subject of speculation after being spotted frequenting bars while underage. Rumors have been circulating for days that she may be stripped of her crown, but such talk has been laid to rest today.

Donald Trump emerged from his office with his infamous combover slightly disheveled, accompanied by Miss Conner, who wore a blue dress with white stains. "I've always been a believer in second chances," said Trump as he zipped his fly.

A sperm tear-choked Conner thanked the Donald for the second shot.

Cannabis Cash-Crop

Jon Gettman, former head of the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws (N.O.R.M.L.) released a report on Monday claiming that U.S. growers produce nearly $35 Billion (yes, with a "B") worth of marijuana every year. This makes the ganja America's biggest cash crop, worth more than corn and wheat combined.

"If this is so profitable, why don't we legalize it and tax the shit out of it," asked Gettman?

Tom Riley, a spokesman for the U.S. Office of National Drug Control Policy retorted by stating "Uhhhh... because it's illegal. Duh!"

Alcohol Can Help People Survive Traumatic Head Injuries

Researchers in Toronto examined over 1100 patients who were treated for severe brain injury caused by blunt trauma and made a startling discovery. Patients who were admitted with a blood-alcohol level up to .23 percent were 24 percent more likely to survive their injuries than patients with no alcohol in their system when admitted. "Maybe this was because the patients were too pickled to realize that they were supposed to die," mused an anonymous E.R. nurse.

I wonder if hospitals are going to start serving shots to these patients. And if they charge $10 for a single aspirin, how much will a jigger of Jack run?

Speaking of Mind-Altering Substances

Some stupid crackhead in Hawthorne, FL complained to the cops that her crack cocaine "wasn't very good." Eloise Reaves walked up to a Putnam County deputy, told the cop that somebody sold her "bad crack" and dropped the rock on the deputy's car for inspection.

What's this world coming to when you can't trust a random crack dealer to give you good shit, and you can't trust a cop to help you get your five bucks back?

If You Think That was Stupid...

Cornell University researcher Valerie Reyna and Frank Farley of Temple University did a study to figure out why teenagers do stupid things. At the end of their study, they had spent a lot of money, produced a lot of psychobabble and justified their existence in their respective ivory towers for another couple of years. I must be one smart motherfucker, because I came up with the same conclusion within five second... It's because teenagers are stupid!

Nerdy Christmas

Take a little Christmas Spirit, throw in a dash of ingenuity, add a few spare computer parts, and here's what you end up with... the perfect Christmas Tree for geeks. This tree was entirely conceived and decorated by yours truly.

If you click on the picture, you will be taken to a larger version of this picture, courtesy of Flickr.

Gang Activity

Like many areas of the country, my little corner of the world has criminal activity, and these hooligans need to be stopped. The senselesness started several months ago, and things have continually escalated since then. The community is frustrated, resources are being wasted, law enforcement officials are ineffective and children are focusing on revenge instead of what really matters.

Like many parents, I once thought this sort of thing happened to others... that it couldn't happen here... that my children couldn't be involved in something so heinous as... I can't even bring myself to say it. How could they? After all, I've done everything right. We've had the "just say no" talks. We've given them discipline with love, guidance with affection, and respect with limits. This shouldn't be happening!

In retrospect, I guess I should have seen it coming. It all started with the kids staying up late. Next thing I knew, they were cranky in the morning. Then they started wearing black, especially late at night. They would occasionally leave the house after sunset, dressed like cat burglers and speaking in hushed voices. Before I knew it, things were starting to disappear from our bathrooms and kitchens. But I refused to see what was happening to my children before my very eyes.

It's too late for us. Our kids have already started down that slippery slope from which there may be no return. Under the best of circumstance, therapy and rehabilitation may be required. I hope that you can do better for your sons and daughters. Please, before it's too late...

Talk to your children about the dangers of harmless teenage pranks. Toilet paper can be thrown too high. Soap can be applied to windows too thickly. Cars can be plastic-wrapped too tightly. Please, stop the insanity before someone is truly inconvenienced.

I had a Dream

I had a dream. It was an unusual, quirky dream with feats of derring-do, celebrity encounters, cops, bad guys and in keeping with true dream form, lots of unexpected plot twists. The dream started with an announcement that the Eagles were doing another tour - "Hell Freezes Over, Again." To make matters even easier and better, they were playing a concert right here in my home town, so sexy wife and I decided that it was too good of an opportunity to miss.

True to dream form, the concert started immediately after we bought the tickets, and we got front-row seats. The venue was a dream-combination of small theater and convention center... a small, intimate setting with seating for only 500 or so. Before long, the concert began, but we didn't really have a chance to get in the flow. The second or third song (Pretty Maids all in a Row) was interrupted by the sound of police sirens. I had a bad feeling about things and told the wife to duck. We ducked just as two women came bursting into the room with guns a-blazin. True to Hollywood form, people panicked and the stampede began. The women, focused on killing one another for God-only-knows what reasons, kept bustin' caps at each other, coming toward the still-concealed Mr. and Mrs. Evan.

When they got about a foot away from me, I siezed the momentary opportunity to take control of the chaotic situation. One of the women ran out of ammo, and the other tripped. I grabbed the gun from the woman who ran out of ammo while the other woman was off balance, and before anyone knew what was happening, I had the other woman in a choke-hold, with the (empty) gun at her temple, screaming for her to drop her weapons. My bluff worked. Either she didn't know that I had taken the other woman's gun, or she didn't know that said gun was empty, because when I put the gun to her head, she dropped her guns and raised her hands in surrender.

The dream takes a brief fast-forward here. The women are now gone (ostensibly in jail) and we are sitting in a hotel lounge at a table next to Glenn Frey and Don Henley, who are talking to a couple of guys who were in high school with me. (I didn't really like either of these guys in high school... they were both pretentious pricks, but that's another story.) Hot Wife and I walked up to the band members, thanked them for their shortened performance, told them that we understood why they were cutting the concert short, and I said that I hoped today's incident didn't permanently drive them away from our town.

We all finished our drinks and left the hotel, and that's where the dream ended. When it ended, it was almost like a spoof on a movie or TV show. As we walked off into the sunset, I asked my wife why the cops never barged in, possibly mistaking me for one of the bad guys. I noted that my blood pressure never went up, even when the bullets were flying, and that nobody was injured. I observed that nobody gave a second thought to the fact that I managed to subdue both of these villainesses. The cops never asked for a statement, nobody thanked me, and nobody told me that I was an idiot for what I did. Everyone knew that this isn't something that happens every day, but everyone looked at this as if it was something I was perfectly equipped to do, almost as if I did it on a daily basis. It was as if my subconscious figured out that I was dreaming and then decided to spoof itself.