I Don't Make a Difference

My wife is a psychologist.  She helps people through difficult periods in their lives.  My older daughter is a cosmetologist.  She helps people feel good about themselves.  My younger daughter is an art teacher.  She creates beautiful works of art, and more importantly, teaches young people how to create art of their own.  I work in IT, and I've come to the conclusion that I don't make a difference.  Putting my career in the best possible light, I make the trains run on time.  My line of work contributes to the economy, but it doesn't do anything for humanity.

Before I go any further in this post, I'd like to say that I have made peace with this realization.  It took me a while to get here, but I'm okay with it.  In fact, even in my early twenties, I realized that I was not destined for the history books.  For most of my life, I've known that my purpose was to (hopefully) bring a little bit of light and life to those around me.  When I became a father, I knew that I existed to love and cherish these two souls I helped bring into the world, and to provide them what they need(ed) to be healthy, happy humans in their own right.  When I got married to wife 2.0, I knew that I had found the best possible partner with whom I could share this journey.

Early in my career, I was asked why I went into IT.  I chose this field because I was fascinated by how computers worked, because I have an analytical mind, and because I saw limitless possibilities in the industry.  During my first interview, I was asked how I saw myself contributing to IT.  Even then I was realistic about the possibilities.  I told the interviewer that I did not see myself as the next Bill Gates, inventing the next great thing; I envisioned myself helping people utilize existing technology as efficiently and effectively as possible.

For many years, this worked well for me.  I had (and still have) a knack for helping people understand how technology works, at least at a functional level.  My preferred approach is to use analogies that my end users can relate to, and this methodology has served me well and to this day, help desk stuff is my favorite type of work because I get to help people solve immediate problems.  Again though, these problems are insignificant in the grand scheme of things.  Oh, I also love IT security analysis, because I get to see human creativity working to overcome computer security.  It's kind of fun to get into the mind of a hacker, figure out their next step and stop them in their tracks.  Even that work, however, still only serves to keep the trains running.  I do, however, take some pride in the fact that I can use my expertise to help keep people safe from scammers at home.

Several years ago, I made a pivot from hands-on IT work and moved to the management track.  I had hoped that I would have an opportunity to mentor and guide the next generation of young IT professionals, but things didn't quite work out as expected.  For the most part, that job had me handling PTO requests, and being responsible for projects without being provided the tools needed to ensure success.  I shielded my team from petty office politics, absorbed blame from executives when things went wrong, and watched them take credit for successes of my team.  It was not fun, and I did not make a difference.

From there I went into IT Security Compliance. Security Compliance is a fancy way of demonstrating, in a formally recognized manner, that my company follows and enforces established best practices in order to minimize the likelihood that bad things happen to our computer systems.  These best practices include things like ensuring that people have passwords that aren't easy to crack, having good data backups (and making sure those backups are tested,) making sure that end users are trained to know what social engineering looks like, making sure we don't use obsolete equipment, and so forth.  Here's the crazy thing:  I don't actually DO this stuff, I just go around making sure that we're doing it, and ensuring I can prove it.  In reality, I'm kind of like a referee in a football game, watching to ensure that the rules are followed, except that I don't have the authority to impose a penalty.  All I can do is recommend a course of action based on the current situation.  The single biggest real-world benefit I bring to the table is that my work helps reduce how much we pay for cyber insurance.  That's not exactly earth shattering.

This brings me back to my original point, which is that I don't make a difference, or more accurately, that my work doesn't make a difference, in the grand scheme of things.  One could be forgiven for believing this causes me some sort of philosophical crisis, but that's not the case at all.  In fact, it's kind of freeing to know that my job isn't important.  I can recall many times early in my career where I was so critical to the company that I had to go to work in the middle of the night because something had broken and needed to be fixed before everyone got to work in the morning.  Even then, "critical" is a matter of perspective.  Nobody died.  The worst thing that would happen is that people were unable to do some portion of their job.  I was protecting the productivity of workers for one specific company.   Conversely, there's no such thing as a compliance emergency.  When the day ends, I can check out physically and mentally.

I will say that making a difference mattered more when I was younger.  I believe that's a function of our relationship with work in America, where your occupation is a large portion of your identity.  Think about it: In virtually every conversation with a new acquaintance, what do you do for a living is one of the first things asked.  In response, most people say I am an [insert job name here].  Not I do, not I work as, we say I am, as if that's a full, unredacted description of you as a person.  Ridiculous!

This is an area of our society where I believe the younger generation has it right.  They are eschewing 50 years on the hamster wheel as an end in itself, and embracing the concept that work is a necessary evil that allows us to do more of the things we enjoy as humans.  After all, I'd rather be remembered as someone who brought a little light and life to those around me.  I'd prefer being memorialized as a man who loved and cherished his children, and a man who unabashedly shared himself with his wife.  I'm Evan, and I don't make a difference.

Remember, You Have More Than Two Options

If you spend any time watching TV, surfing the Internet, or even checking your snail mail, you should be very aware that election time is right around the corner.  If you use these sources as your basis for research, it would be understandable for you to conclude there are only two choices... Democrats or Republicans... and it would be reasonable for you to conclude that both of these options suck.  I would like to take a moment to remind you there additional options.

While not every elected office may have third party candidates, a lot of them will, especially at the state and federal level.  Other parties include the Green Party, Libertarian, and independents, though others exist.  I strongly encourage you to do a bit of research before election day to see if there are other options.

Democrats and Republicans do a tremendous job of talking people out of voting for third party candidates.  They usually accomplish this goal by saying that voting for a third party is "wasting your vote," or claiming that you're a "spoiler" if you vote third party.  Saying that a vote that doesn't support a major party candidate is a spoiler or wasted vote is playing on the false choice fallacy.  The problem is that too many people buy into this lie, which paradoxically turns the lie into a truth... depending on your definition of wasted vote or spoiler.

I have a long history of casting my vote for third party candidates.  From my perspective, those who cry wasted vote and spoiler are failing to look at the larger picture.  As a voter, I have two concerns: 1) Does the candidate's platform align with my values?  2) Is the candidate qualified?  Notice that neither of these questions center of party or ability to win.

Let me use an analogy to make my point.  Let's say that I'm an employer looking for someone to fill an open position.  Why would I only accept applicants that graduated from an Ivy League school, (Yale, Harvard, etc.,)  when someone who attended an in-state university can do the job just as well?  Hopefully, you get that Ivy League in this analogy is Democrat/Republican and in-state university is the third party candidate.

Now, let's take a look at who owns the vote.  While the major parties seem to believe they're entitled, at the end of the day, it's my vote and my choice.  Republicans are chocolate cake.  Democrats are white cake.  (Maybe I should reverse that?!?)  Unfortunately for both parties, I like cheesecake.  Why should I settle for cake when cheesecake is an available choice?  I shouldn't!  I'd be settling.

I'd also like to note that every election offers the opportunity for a write-in.  In my opinion, this is the ultimate form of protest, and the ultimate exercise of free choice.  In this case, I am saying I don't want chocolate cake.  I don't want white cake.  I don't want cheesecake.  I want pie, and I'm going to drive to a different store to get it.  While you are virtually guaranteed to not get your way in the election, you are also saying that you refuse to compromise your vote... or conversely, that, while you agree to play the game, you are making a mockery of the generally accepted guidelines and exercise your right to protest by following the rules in a completely unexpected way.

Finally, I'd like to address staying home.  While I used to believe this is an unacceptable option, because every citizen has an obligation to participate in our representative government, I no longer believe that we have a moral duty to vote.  I say this because the establishment (IE the Democrats and Republicans) have broken the social contract.  Somewhere along the line, long before I became old enough to vote, the two major parties stopped putting forth the best candidates, instead choosing to advance people who toed the party line first and foremost, and who would perpetuate the power of the party.  If I don't like any of the teams playing in a football game, why should I go?

My point is this:  You have more than two choices.  Don't let the biggest kids on the block force you to play on their team because they suck least.  You can play on a smaller team, or you can keep your ball and stay home. 

I Guess I Did Okay

I went to the Minnesota Renaissance Festival yesterday with my lovely bride, my younger daughter, her family, and her in-law's side of the family.  We went at my daughter's request, in celebration of her 30th birthday.  It's been a while since we've done a renfest, and this trip was a fun combination of firsts and nostalgia. Let me start by saying that, while I know my girls enjoyed doing the renfest as kids, I was absolutely thrilled when younger daughter told me back in early June this is what she wanted to do for her 30th birthday.  It was one of those "I did it right as a dad" moments, knowing that she enjoys the renfest as much as wifey and I do.

Wifey and I drove up to Minneapolis on Friday and spent the night in a hotel.  I didn't feel like doing a marathon day; I'm too old for that $h!+.  We took our dog with us, because the event is pet friendly.  This was a first.  I've been a pet owner for over 25 years, but I've never taken my dog(s) to renfest.  It was also the first time I've stayed in a hotel with my furry companion(s), and the first time she's been away from the house overnight.  Historically, when wifey and I travel, we get a family member or friend to come check on the dogs, and let them chill at the house.

From the dog perspective, this was also the longest car ride she's ever had, and the first time she's been around this many people for this much time, and she was a champ!  Hundreds of people interacted with her, and she received many, many compliments on her mellow demeanor.

It was the first time that my grandson, son-in-law, and his family had been to a renaissance festival.  Both of the boys (grandson and son-in-law) dressed up in pirate style attire.  The grandson was like a kid in a candy store, with each new sight being more exciting than the last.  I think the highlight for me was when he got into a fencing contest with younger daughter.  It was a full circle moment, bringing back memories of when I fenced with my girls, and just writing about this makes me smile because it feels like one of those moments where life came full circle.  I can't help but imagine my grandson doing this with his kids, and so on.  Attending the renaissance festival has the possibility of becoming a family tradition that I started.

My longest tradition is that I purchase renfest attire each time I attend.  I've attended enough of these events that I have quite a bit of versatility in my renfest wardrobe, so I can go anywhere from peasant, to brigand, to artisan, to gentlemen.  This time, I purchased a suede jerkin, and I think I'm gonna have a lot of fun with this new acquisition.  My lovely bride also does this, and this year I promised her that I would pay for the item she wanted to pick up... I believe I did this for her birthday.  This was one of those times where I spent a lot more money than I'm comfortable spending, but quite frankly, that's a function of my upbringing, not my current financial status, and every now and then you just have to say screw it, spend a little more money, and enjoy the outcome.  This was one of those times where not buying would bring more regret than buying, and that doesn't happen often in my world.

On the way home, I just kind of basked in the afterglow of the event.  I had fun just doing the renfest.  I had fun taking my dog for the first time.  I really enjoyed seeing my daughter and her family doing so many of the things I did when I was a young dad.  I super-duper enjoyed my lovely bride standing by my side.  It was one of those perfect weekends where, as a dad and a husband I felt like "Yeah, I guess I did okay." 

My First Con(vention)

 As I mentioned in yesterday's post, I hit my first big fan convention over the weekend.  I've attended the Minnesota Renaissance Festival many, many times over the years, and I've hit a smaller RenFest closer to where I live, but I've never done anything like Comic-Con.  I've done TrekFest, which is kinda sorta like a Con, but the scale is much smaller.  There's only so much a town of 1000 people can do on a budget.  I will say though that Riverside has done a pretty good job of growing Trek Fest over the years, and claiming the "Future birthplace of Captain James T. Kirk" was a stroke of marketing brilliance on their part.  Heck, it even became official canon.  Oh, but I'm digressing... my point is that I've never done anything like GalaxyCon, and I finally seized the opportunity last weekend.

How I ended up attending GalaxyCon is a story in itself.  I received a notice from VetTix, informing me there were some GalaxyCon tickets available.  I asked my wife if she was interested in attending if I got tickets.  My younger daughter, who had dropped by for a visit, asked "What's GalaxyCon?"  I said "Think Comic-Con and you've got the right idea."  I then started naming some of the celebrities who would be there for meet-and-greets.  When I rattled off James Marsters' name, she got all kinds of excited!  I ended up not getting the free tickets from VetTix, but that's okay.  There was no way my daughter was going to miss the chance to meet Marsters, so we all bought tickets.

I really didn't know what to expect.  Some of the online reviews had said it's kind of lame, specifically that it was disorganized and not well attended.  That was not my experience at all.  There were tons of vendors, attendees, and Q&A panels. We attended a Q&A session with voice actors from Star Trek: Lower Decks, one with Jason Mewes, and a weird, darkly humorous discussion of uniquely horrible ways some people have died over the years.  For example, they talked about how Jack Daniel died of a blood infection as a result of kicking his safe when it wouldn't open, and a guy who tripped over his beard, fell, and broke his neck.

The event was a money making machine!  Using the meet and greet with Marsters I mentioned yesterday as a frame of reference:  He charged $50 per autograph or selfie, or $80 if you bundled and did both.  I estimate that he spent about two minutes with each person.  Using conservative back-of-the-napkin math, that meant he was pulling in over $100 every five minutes, which translates to $1200 per hour.  That's insane!  If he worked 1/2 day, he would have easily pulled in over $5000.  And that's just one guy at one table.

The costumes worn by attendees were tons of fun, too.  There were anime characters I knew nothing about.  But I saw Master Chief from Halo, Darth Vader, storm troopers, Klingons and Star Fleet officers from all generations of Star Trek, Dolly Parton, the Jack in the Box mascot, Dracula (complete with a full sized casket), WWE wrestlers, and the list goes on.

There were several tables devoted just to building custom light sabers from the Star Wars universe.  Those things were expensive, starting at $200 and going up over $600.  There were several booths dedicated to swords, daggers, axes, etc.  Artists sold paintings.  I saw many, many D&D dice booths with some crazy dice sets that looked like the Lament box from Hellraiser.

Overall, it was a wildly creative way for attendees to dress up as virtually anyone or anything, and countless opportunities for vendors to separate said attendees from their hard-earned money.  It was a lot of fun, and I suspect we'll do it again next year.

Meeting James Marsters

I met James Marsters yesterday at GalaxyCon.  If I remember, I'll share a post about GalaxyCon in general tomorrow, because that was a first too.  Today though, I'm going to focus on meeting Marsters.  For those of you not familiar, Marsters played Spike on the TV show Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  My wife and girls grew up on Buffy, and I'll admit I'm a fan too.  In fact, the primary reason I went to GalaxyCon was so my younger daughter could meet James Marsters.  Since my lovely bride is also a big Buffy fan, she happily agreed to join us.

We arrived shortly after the doors opened for the day, and essentially headed directly to the James Marsters table for the meet and greet.  The line wasn't horribly long, but we waited approximately 90 minutes until it was our turn.  Daughter was virtually bursting with excitement as we snaked through the line, and it was definitely an exercise in patience for her.  Fortunately for me, I don't go nuts in lines, a skill I picked up from the military.  We all chatted with others while waiting in line, which was a very pleasant way to help kill the time, and eventually it was our (daughter's) turn for the meet and greet.

While waiting in line, daughter indicated she was twitterpated, and she didn't disappoint.  Marsters greeted her and she responded with "You're my second crush."  Marsters didn't miss a beat and replied by saying "You're welcome, who was your first crush?"  Her mind went blank for a half second, before she recovered, telling him that her first crush was Johnny Depp, specifically Captain Jack Sparrow.  "Have you met Johnny," he casually queried?  "He's a really nice guy."  He then turned his attention to my wife and me, noticing that we were both wearing Star Trek attire.

"Oh, you're both Trekkies, nice!  Are you enjoying the convention?"  I replied informing him that it was my first time attending any convention like this, and he said he was a big Trek fan and attended his first convention when he was 13 years old, back when it was all Star Trek.  He then suggested that we spend time talking to other attendees, saying that in his opinion, the fans are the best part of conventions.  He then spent a few more moments talking to wifey and daughter as he signed some memorabilia daughter brought expressly for that purpose.

Backing up a bit... as we waited in line, I caught bits and pieces of his conversations with other fans.  Marsters had talked with a guy shortly before us in line about music.  (Marsters is in a band, Ghost of the Robot.)  The fan was a bass player, and Marsters said something about bass being too hard on the fingers, and said he plays acoustic with ultra light nylon strings.  Yes! I thought.  Not about bass, because that's my primary instrument, but about light strings.  My acoustic guitar has very light strings as well, though they're metal instead of nylon.  I never understood the appeal of heavy strings.  Even my bass has relatively light strings.  I had kind of hoped to chat about music, but I was more than happy to let him and daughter lead the conversation.  I was just a supporting cast member in daughter's show.  Heck, I didn't expect to have any lines, but I was happy to participate.  My overall impression was that he did a spectacular job of finding a connection with everyone who came to meet him.

A short while later there was an opportunity for a professional photo shoot with Marsters, and daughter seized that opportunity as well.  Despite the fact that he had met dozens of fans between our meet-and-greet and the photo session, he appeared to recognize us and said "Welcome back."  This, again, left me with the impression that he was doing more than just going through the motions.  He seemed to genuinely be paying attention to the fans.

That evening, Marsters did a short concert.  It was just him on stage with his acoustic guitar, and we were in a small, intimate room.  We sat at round tables, which lent to an atmosphere of a small lounge.  He played for about an hour, telling a brief story about each song before he played it.  I split my attention between enjoying the music and stories, observing his guitar technique and chord progressions, watching how he worked the audience, and noticing how the audience reacted to him.  It felt like Marsters made eye contact with everyone in the room at one point or another, which again impressed me.  It seemed like he was genuinely interested in his fans, and he came across as someone who was truly happy that people enjoyed his music.

Taking another conversational turn, this time talking as a musician, I have always considered myself a rudimentary musician.  I can play a few chords on guitar, and I can hit the right notes and hold rhythm on bass.  I feel like I have a decent voice and slightly better than average vocal range.  But I will never be a lead guitarist, blistering bass player or vocal virtuoso.  I've written, arranged, and recorded one song that I'm very proud of, but I suspect that if I were to become a songwriter, my songs would very quickly all sound the same.  With that said though, Marsters improved my assessment of my own ability to play.  I have a wider vocal range than what he demonstrated, and his guitar playing was basic chords and simple strumming patterns.  Don't get me wrong.  I very much enjoyed the concert.  His songs were well constructed lyrically and his guitar technique was advanced and varied enough that he didn't come across as a novice trying to pass himself off as a virtuoso.  All I am saying here is that when I left his concert, I thought damn, maybe I'm better at guitar than I've been giving myself credit for.

Now, having said all of this, I should say this is the first time I've been this close to any celebrity, and I've kind of always wondered what it would be like to brush elbows with someone famous.  Based on my reading, it should be obvious that my experience was positive.  He seemed genuinely interested in his fans, and down to earth with his interactions.  Most importantly though, he gave my little girl a day that she will remember for the rest of her life.  As much as anything else, I'm glad that I got to share in her happiness.

Commemorating 9/11/2001

Today is the 25th anniversary of the day terrorists flew airplanes into buildings, and the day where a few brave souls, knowing what was going on, prevented one instance of that happening, sending that specific plane into a field in Pennsylvania.  It was a day that altered the course of history.  It started America's war on terror, and complicated domestic air travel.  It generated fear, anger, and retaliation.  That action showed how utterly and senselessly destructive hatred can bring humans to behave.  It also brought out the best in us.

For the briefest of moments, America was united in outrage and grief.  While trying to make sense of an act that ultimately had no rational explanation, we cared for one another, focused on healing and rebuilding.  We didn't care about the political beliefs of those who perished, only that they were no longer here. We didn't question the religious affiliation of those who searched through the rubble, looking for survivors.  Instead, for an instant in time, we worked as one to process the events and forge a path forward.

Equally remarkable was the outpouring of empathy and support from the international community.  To most of the world, we were a shining example of what freedom should look like, and the most generous country on the planet.  Most of the world was just as shocked as we were, and they openly shared in our grief and disbelief.

Now, twenty-five years later, nothing remains of the unity.  We have predictably returned to our petty bickering and squabbling, and it's gotten so bad that the rest of the world is turning their collective back to us.  I'm having a difficult time with this.  I think back to the day and can almost relive parts of it; the memories are that vivid.  I can't help but mentally compare and contrast our society then vs. now, and I feel despair over our squandered opportunity to do better together.

I Doubt It

I've been seeing a lot of articles running around the interwebs saying that AI developers believe AI could kill us all within a ten years.  In fact, I saw an article this morning that claimed some believe it could kill us by the end of this decade.  To put things in perspective, the end of the current decade is less than four years away.  So let me say it now... I doubt this will come to pass.

Now that I've grabbed your attention with my clickbait, let me share my realistic, though less-than-fully-informed perspective.  Yes, it's quite possible that AI will do something highly disruptive within the next ten years, but that's a far cry from an extinction event.  The only way I see this as even a remote possibility is through the release of a biological agent that's as contagious as measles and as deadly as ebola, or by releasing a toxin into the entire world's water supply simultaneously.  Even then, the likelihood of either event wiping 100% of humans from the earth remain pretty low.

Don't get me wrong.  I am skeptical about AI.  I believe it can do good, but also feel that we're being crazy reckless in our pursuit of it.  I believe AI is generally overhyped; both its productivity and its capacity for bringing catastrophe are being exaggerated.  With that said though, I certainly agree that we need to slow things down.  At our current speed, I believe we're more likely than not to bring about a severe unintended consequence.