Like a Cat...

 ... I landed on my feet.

My friend's thyroidectomy was successful and he is home recuperating.

I have a job.  It's not a full time job that lets me keep full financial independence, but I'm good with it.  Let me give you a bit of background.  As I said in my last post, my previous employer is a friend of mine, and he helped me out when I needed a job.  We both saw early on in my time with that company that I wasn't fully occupied, and he asked me if I'd be interested in doing IT work on the side for another company, where he's a silent partner.  I eagerly accepted the offer, because it kept me productive, and doing the type of work I most enjoy doing... designing, building and maintaining IT infrastructures, and helping people use technology.  I did that for free, because it wasn't a ton of work, because i had the free time in my primary job, because it was a new business starting at ground zero, and because my boss is my friend.  When I was cut from this position, my friend/boss said that the second company was still interested in retaining my services.

I had a chat with the primary guy as the second job, and it's now my first job.  The pay is a little less than I had hoped, but it's reasonable considering that I'm only working a few hours a week, and there is opportunity for growth.

During my last gig, when we realized there wasn't enough for me to do, we cut my hours back from full time to 30 hours per week.  I was a bit anxious over the accompanying pay cut, but I quickly realized it was a net gain, because I've come to value my time more than my paycheck.  This new scenario simply ratchets things up a notch.  I've taken another pay reduction, and have significantly increased my free time.

My biggest concern now is how this impacts my lovely bride.  She is once again the primary breadwinner, and she is an incredibly conscientious.  She will carry this load, but I know her well enough to realize it's an additional stressor on her.  On the good side, I'm still contributing to the household finances in some fashion.  I get that a marriage is not about who brings in more money, but how the overall load balances, and that balance is unique to each marriage.  I just need to make sure that I'm contributing my fair share to our marriage.  This means that at least some of this newfound free time will go toward tasks, chores and projects that she currently handles.  I also understand this is my issue more than hers, because I'm the one who feels like I run the risk of letting her down.  On the other hand, she has never once given me reason to believe that I'm failing to pull my weight in our relationship.

A Perfect Storm

Today's a bit of a perfect storm...

I lost my job yesterday.  I'm not surprised, and I'm not angry.  A close friend of mine hired me a couple of years ago when I got canned from my last job.  I was hired to make the company SOC2 compliant, and I accomplished the goal.  Having achieved success, there's just not enough for me to do, so cutting me loose was the only rational thing to do.  My friend helped me out in a time of need, I completed what he asked of me, and my continued employment with him is no longer mutually beneficial.  To be anything other than grateful would be childish.

My best friend is having his thyroid removed today.  He was diagnosed with cancer last month and the doctors decided that removing the thyroid is the best course of action.  I'm not precisely worried, but I am cognizant that sometimes things don't go as expected during surgery.

Today is also the 11th anniversary of the day my childhood best friend took his own life.  It's a slightly strange coincidence that one friend is fighting for his life today, on the anniversary of the day that another voluntarily ended his.

None of these items alone cause significant stress.  Even collectively I'm not exactly freaked out.  I am, however, conscious that all of this is going on in my little world, and it kind of drives home how so much of what happens is out of my hands, and that control is a bit of an illusion.

A Different Type of Political Junk Mail?

I received a message from my ex over the weekend.  We're not friends, and I don't communicate with her, but she's not blocked either.  I guess this stems back to the days when we were co-parenting, when we needed to be able to communicate about the kids.  Over time, communication naturally tapered off as the kids grew up.  In other words, no communication means no need to block.

Anyway, she basically said something like Not sure if you heard, but I recently got a rough health diagnosis.  This caused me to take stock, and along the way, someone said I should make amends to people I wronged, and I realized I never said sorry for cheating on you.  I was wrong and hurtful and you didn't deserve it, no matter what was going on between you and me.  I'm sorry for being unfaithful and for the pain it caused you and our family.

As you can imagine, I had thoughts, which I'm going to share in no particular order:

-Whatever.  This was a long time ago and I really don't care anymore.

-Yeah, I was heartbroken and pissed for a while, not just for me but for the kids as well.  But wife 2.2 is better by every possible measure.  I thought I was taking a bullet, but in reality I was dodging one.

-Ummm... okay, but you do understand you're doing this for you, not for me, right?

-Oh, I get it.  She's on the outs with the kids.  Neither of them are talking to her right now because of her behavior, so maybe she thinks she'll score a quick win with me saying I forgive you.

-Or maybe she's hoping I'll say I forgive you so she can go back to the kids and say dad forgave me for cheating and breaking up our family, why can't you work with me now?

-Dammit, this woman is like herpes.  She just keeps flaring up.  I wish I could just be rid of her.

I pondered whether to share with my wife and kids that ex had messaged me.  Not talking about it would prevent a bit of drama in our lives.  But if (when) they eventually found out, they might wonder why I didn't bring it up earlier.  I chose open communication and informed them all.  They asked what I was gonna do, and I hadn't decided.  I could accept the apology, even though it was kind of lame.  I could reject the apology as too little, too late.  I could completely ignore it.

Here's a paraphrase of my eventual reply... Thanks for reaching out.  I put this behind me quite a while ago.  Let's let sleeping dogs lie.  Wishing you the best on your health...

I didn't want to kick her when she was down, nor did I wish to completely absolve her of wrongdoing.  I also didn't want to dredge up the past.  In a perfect world, this will be the last I hear from or about her.  But she is the mother of my kids, so that's probably not going to happen.  And I certainly don't want the kids to feel like there's something I'm unwilling to discuss with them.  So instead, I'll just consider this what it is... another herpes outbreak.  Or, since it's close to election time, maybe I should think of it as just another unsolicited piece of junk mail from a politician, conveniently seeking my support while knowing full well they don't really care about me, just themselves.  Yeah, I kind of like that idea.  Time to throw that flyer in the trash.

I Never Do This!

I did something today that I never do.. I ordered something based on a first viewing of a testimonial advertisement.  The product is called swoveralls.  I stumbled across it in a social media feed, and the guy hawking the product is someone I casually follow.  The guy is a fellow GenXer, and historically speaking, he doesn't make a habit of plugging products.  The concept of overalls made out of sweatpants material intrigued me, so I checked it out further.

First things first:  I have to admit that I choked a bit when I saw the $100 price tag.  Holy crap, I don't spend that much for much of anything, much less a glorified pair of sweats.  Furthermore, I haven't worn overalls since I was a kid, but man, they looked stylish and comfortable.  After reading the reviews, I figured I'd give them a whirl.  The worst that happens is I don't like 'em, and if that's the case, I can return them, give them to a friend or family member, or donate them to charity.

I've got admit, this whole thing has me a little excited.  I'm very comfortable with my personal taste in clothing, so this is a new adventure for me.  I don't do the whole impulse buying thing, so that's a bit out of my comfort zone.  Oh... the manufacturer gives 20% off to military, veterans and first responders, dropping the price down to a still high but more manageable $80.  If I remember, I'll let you know the verdict after I've tried 'em out.

Jay-Z Doing the Superbowl

Once again my fellow old white guys are having a conniption over the announced halftime show.  They had a cow over Bad Bunny headlining last time around, and they're doing it again over Jay-Z.  Damn, these guys need to get a grip!

I'm going to say up front that I'm not a Jay-Z fan.  My musical taste is firmly in the rock genre.  At the same time, I know that I'm not the NFL's core demographic.  Yeah, I may have the money to purchase tickets and subscriptions to the NFL sports channels, but realistically speaking, at this stage in my life, the NFL has either hooked me or they haven't.  Who plays the halftime show will have little to no impact on whether or not I watch the game, and it certainly won't change how frequently I watch NFL football for the next twenty to thirty years.

The halftime show is certainly designed to keep people from channel surfing during the mid game break, but it's more than that.  It's designed to get new people to watch the game, with the ultimate goal of expanding their fan base.  Note that the operative word in that sentence is "new."  To use an analogy, football is the drug, and the NFL is trying to get people addicted.  This means they need to actively pursue the youth market.  Anyone complaining about Jay-Z performing doesn't understand this reality, and they certainly fail to realize that the NFL just doesn't care.

I Couldn't Help Myself

I'm a bit of a documentary junkie.  I can't help myself.  I enjoy history and like hearing the stories of those who came before us.  I had a bit of time on my hands yesterday and watched a couple of documentaries.  I tried to watch one on the Knights Templar, but that one really didn't do anything for me, because the story was incoherent, and the story was dry.  For the first time in ages, I didn't finish a documentary.  As I browsed through other possibilities, I saw that Tiger King was listed under documentaries.  That's not a documentary; it's reality TV, which is a television genre I don't enjoy.  I didn't watch the show while it was running, and I'm not gonna start now, thank you very much.

I stumbled across one called Bad Faith and decided to give it a watch.  The story discusses the rise of Christian Nationalism in America, touching on the KKK, but really focuses on how the Moral Majority has shaped our current political climate.  I think it's worth your time, and didn't see anything that was patently incorrect or false.  In fact, a lot of what was discussed falls in line with my education and my experiences growing up.

The one thing I will say is that the story left me feeling a little... hopeless.  I tend to work with the expectation that people are rational beings.  This fundamental assumption has bitten me in the @$$ more than I'd care to admit, but I continue to hold out hope.  Unfortunately, this story drove home the point that Christian Nationalists are operating from a belief system rooted in religion, and the belief system is ingrained in such a way that they don't want to negotiate with people whose viewpoint is different from their own.

In all honesty, I've kind of been quietly carrying this understanding for quite a while, but have generally chosen to overlook the reality, again, because I keep holding out the hope that I might be able to win a heart here or a mind there.  But it really hit me hard when a pastor essentially said that Christian Nationalists would rather burn it all down than compromise.  I get that Christian Nationalists are not a majority of America... heck, I doubt they're even a majority of Christians, but I could be wrong there.  Regardless, if even a quarter of Americans identify themselves as Christian Nationalist, and if they genuinely hold the mentality that they'd rather break our country and destroy our republic than compromise, then we're in serious trouble.

So yeah, the show was educational; I learned something.  But I did not feel better after the lesson ended.  Unfortunately, it was a documentary, and I couldn't help myself.  Oh, by the way, I still recommend it.

One other thing... I had forgotten that Ronald Reagan said Make America Great Again, way back in 1980. 

AI Meets a Narcissist

I'm sure by now you've heard that our illustrious commander in chief has decided that AI is now "Super Intelligence," or "SI."  He then doubled down on his decree, saying that anyone who doesn't use his preferred term is "the enemy."

Let me start by saying I had planned to keep my yap shut about this one.  I honestly believe that our POTUS is nothing more than an attention whore, and all he cares about is clicks and eyeballs.  He doesn't care if it's positive or negative, as long as all eyes are on him.  Part of me hopes that if I don't feed his addiction, maybe he'll just go away and die.  Unfortunately, there are plenty of people who are willing to feed the beast that is his ego.  Besides, it's a slow news day and it's been a bit since my post, and this is what I have to work with.  So let's dig in...

Let's tackle the obvious reference to George Orwell's book, 1984. Trump is quoted as saying that anyone who doesn't use his terminology is the enemy.  This is a play right out of the autocrat's handbook, and it loosely combines two concepts from 1984: 1) Thoughtcrime is the offense of holding politically unacceptable thoughts.  2) Newspeak is the concept of controlled language, designed to enforce party ideology and limit free thought.  Realistically, "Gulf of America" and "Lake America" have the same purpose, by "stealing" the Gulf of Mexico and Lake Ontario, claiming them for "ourselves," and "owning" Trump's so-called adversaries.

Now, let's talk about the timing.  Am I the only one who finds the timing of his rename a little suspect?  His administration is facing rising fuel costs, a war with Iran where he doesn't get to dictate the terms of the conflict, much less the resolution, and an increasing possibility of losing the House and/or Senate to the Democrats in the November election.  Trump has a well-established pattern of behavior that when things aren't going his way, he creates a distraction.  It's come to the point where even some of his most ardent supporters are seeing through the smokescreen.  Wag the dog much?

In closing, this is me doubling down.  AI.  Artificial Intelligence.  It's not Super, and it's not SI.  Bite me, because I'm the enemy!  I'm not going to toe the party line just because someone tells me that doing otherwise makes me the enemy.  I support free thought and expression, and abhor their suppression, to the point that I will quite possibly rage against the machine even if I agree, because screw you and your need to control me.