Nothing Like I Thought

I've been sitting around the house, which is quiet except for the casual pitter patter of paws as my dog moves from one resting place to another, the occasional car driving by, and my own thoughts.  This bores some people, but I appreciate it.  I find myself far more comfortable in solitude than when I was a young man.

As I ruminated on everything and nothing, I had a thought fly into my little brain from absolutely nowhere.  I have no idea what brought it on, but I ran with it, and it's now become today's topic.  My life is nothing like I thought it would be.

When I was a very young boy, I vaguely recall having ambition to become an astronaut, a firefighter or a cop.  This was during the heyday of NASA, and when law enforcement was still a highly respected (and not polarizing) occupation.

As a young teenager, I saw myself as a doctor or a veterinarian.  Anatomy fascinated me, and I kind of liked the idea of being able to save lives.  Human or animal didn't matter much, hence my flexibility in direction.

In my late teens and very early twenties, I was certain that I'd die before hitting 25.  While I was serving active duty in the military, I did not think I was going to die in combat.  I envisioned myself dying in a car accident while driving slightly too fast, while swimming in the ocean, or some other high octane activity.  While my lifestyle was slightly more adventurous than the average person, I was nowhere the daredevil I imagined myself to be.  I pictured myself a solid 8 on the 1 to 10 scale of derring-do, but I in hindsight, I was a six.

My mid-twenties probably brought me as close to an accurate prediction as I would have about my life.  I realized I was ready to be a dad, but not a husband, though I kind of imagined them as a package deal.  I certainly saw myself as a girl dad.  While I fully expected that I would make a significant contribution tthe working world, and saw myself as a high-earning white collar professional, (though not filthy rich,)  I also knew that I wasn't destined for the history books, but that my purpose in life was to bring a little bit of life, a little bit of happiness, and a little bit of humor to those around me.  My goal was to make sure that I wasn't a drag in any relationship that involved me.  I aspired to be a positive contribution.  My baseline was to make sure that I didn't take more from a relationship than I contributed.

When I was married to wife 1.0, I was certain that I would defy the odds and marry only once in my life.  I understood that relationships require work and commitment from both people, and I was fully ready to fulfill my lifetime commitment.  It never occurred to me that she would quit.

I had no idea how hard life could hit a young adult.  As a child, I imagined that adulthood would be  an absolute breeze.  In reality, I felt like an inexperienced amateur prize fighter going against Mike Tyson in his prime.  I spent a huge portion of my mid-twenties to mid-thirties dazed by blows that I never saw coming.  I had no idea how financially tenuous life could be, and I can't count how many sleepless nights I experienced because of a stupid unexpected expense or life event.  Relationships were equally challenging, because my friends and loved ones were going through the same thing, and like idiots, we tended to turn inward instead of leaning on one another.

In my early thirties, I was still struggling financially, but saw light at the end of the tunnel.  I realized that if I played my cards right, I could retire early as a millionaire.  I forgot that playing my cards right meant that I couldn't have any bad hands.  I saw myself retiring early and traveling the world with 1.0.  When we split up, suddenly I couldn't see anything.

Fortunately the fog lifted, and I met wife 2.2.  She has been the navigator when I needed to pilot, and taken the wheel when I needed to rest.  I didn't see her coming, and I don't see her leaving until one of us dies.

I hoped, but didn't foresee that my kids would lean on me as heavily as they do, nor did I expect how natural it would be to help them.

I didn't foresee that I would essentially fall out with my entire birth family.

I didn't foresee that 1.0 would be such a POS mother.

I didn't expect that life challenges would persist at the same and rate and intensity, with the difference being that my ability to weather the storm would increase with age.  Life is not softer, and I am not harder.  It's more accurate to say that I've seen it before, and each time I experienced it, I made some sort of contingency plan to prepare to re-experience a given adversity.

So yeah, life is nothing like I thought.  But I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Elsewhere: A Book Series by Dough Lohse

I want to take a minute to plug the Elsewhere book series by Doug Lohse.

Without giving away any spoilers, the series follows the story of Duke, a cocky Air Force pilot who is transported from Earth to a fantastical world of magic, in the storybook genre of LitRPG.  If you imagine yourself pulled from your current existence to a world of Dungeons and Dragons, complete with the realization that you're in a Role Playing Game, you have the right idea.

As I read the first book, I found myself kind of under-appreciating the story, because Duke advanced in levels and abilities so quickly that I almost had a hard time suspending disbelief and letting myself just get immersed in the story.  Almost.

Fortunately, I picked up book two, and I experienced a glimpse of the larger story that Lohse had in mind.  Again, I don't want to spoil the story, but over the course of his subsequent books, the author takes Duke from Dungeons and Dragons to Science Fiction, complete with mechs, lasers, and interstellar travel.  The series features a Battle Royale, an evil business empire, and gods who have to follow rules.

I was introduced to the series by James Cheatham, a personal friend of mine who does a fantastic job of narrating the story.  When James shared the initial audiobook with me, I found myself hooked by the tale, and I can't wait to see how the next part unfolds.

The overarching story does a great job of injecting pop culture humor, through the use of current euphemisms that the otherworlders couldn't possibly understand, and by subtlely tapping the fourth wall with allusions to popular fantasy and sci-fi movies that will leave readers smiling and thinking I see what you did there.

If you're looking for a fun read, or an engaging audiobook series, I encourage you to check this one out!  Additionally, you are supporting an independent author, and a small business voice actor.

POSX

Here's another one from the "My ex is a piece of $h!+" vault...

Older daughter called me a couple of days ago to vent.  A week or so back, my ex talked to my grandson and promised to come see him play lacrosse.  My ex lives about two hours away from older daughter and grandson, and to my knowledge, this would be the first visit since ex moved out of older daughter's house a couple of months back.  Two hours away isn't exactly a vacation trip, but it's a bit more than a daily commute.

Grandson was excited over the prospect of ex seeing him play.  Older daughter wisely recommended that grandson curb his enthusiasm, because ex has a habit of not following through with her promises and commitments...

Fast forward to a couple of days ago... ex called older daughter on Easter.  During the Easter call, ex told older daughter that she had to bail on the visit... so she could work. As older daughter relayed it to me, the lure of double time pay was more important than the commitment to see grandson play lacrosse.  Adding insult to injury, ex asked older daughter to deliver the news to grandson and quickly bailed out of the phone call shortly thereafter, meaning that once again, ex took a shit in older daughter's nest and left older daughter to clean up the mess.

This is nothing new.  The ex has a well-established pattern of making promises and not following through.  She did it to me.  She did it to older daughter.  She did it to younger daughter.  Now she's doing it to first grandson.  She can't pull that crap with me anymore.  The kids have kind of grown immune to it and now treat virtually anything ex says with a grain of salt.  First grandson hasn't yet learned his lesson though.  I know that daughters will work diligently to protect grandsons, but damn...

Scratching the Acting Itch

I was in a play last Thursday.  I played James the Greater in a Living Last Supper play at church.  It was the first time I had acted in about forty years and it was a very different experience from my last performance.  When I did my high school plays, I learned each line word for word, and I had to hit specific places on stage at exact times.  It was enjoyable, but it was more rote memorization and more stressful.

This time around, I learned the lines but didn't necessarily recite them verbatim.  There were no marks to hit, and no major rehearsals, because everyone who participated essentially did a soliloquy monologue to the audience.  It was a small audience, consisting overwhelmingly of members from my church, so I never got nervous.

I'll admit that I was a tad concerned for others, who were struggling with their lines even the day before.  However, after the dress rehearsal, I reminded everyone who didn't know their lines that they were the ONLY ones who knew exactly what they were supposed to say, so if they flubbed a word or two, nobody would know unless they gave a visual or verbal indication.  I reminded them that pauses in their lines were okay, because there are natural pauses in human speaking, and pausing for effect is a real thing in acting.  I also invited them to put themselves in the shoes of the Apostles at the last supper.  Jesus dropped a bombshell on them when he said that someone would betray him.  It would absolutely make sense that the thoughts and words of the apostles might be a little discombobulated after hearing the news, and I invited them to remember and lean into this if they got nervous or forgot their lines.  It seems to have helped, because only one guy had problems with his lines.

After we finished, I felt like we did a reasonably good job overall.  I asked my lovely bride for a critique, and she said two things that stuck out: 1) We all did a good job.  2) "You can act!"  She sounded a little surprised at that one.

I guess overall I did okay, because I had a church member come up to me at church Sunday and again tell me that I did a good job.  I had fun, and if I were asked to perform in another play, whether church, community, or whatever, I'd most likely do it.

Trump Fires Pam Bondi

It was announced yesterday that Donald Trump has fired Attorney General Pam Bondi.

In related news, confidential sources have reported that when Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth heard about this, he did his best Veruca Salt impression, screaming "Daddy, I want to fire somebody too!"

In fairness to President Trump, he tried his best to say no, but quickly caved when Hegseth broke into a rendition of I Want it Now, complete with a flash mob band that somehow magically appeared out of thin air.  The report goes on to quote Trump as saying "When Little Petey breaks into song like that, I'm just powerless.  Of course I had to let him fire someone," which led to the immediate dismissal of Army Chief of Staff, General Randy George.

An Open Letter from Iran to Americans

 I saw this article today and believe it's worth sharing.  I am taking at face value that the letter legitimately comes from the Iranian government to the American people.  I am sharing this because I believe it is important to receive information that originates from outside of our self-selected echo chambers, and I am refraining from comment because I believe it's important to let you, the reader, draw your own conclusion without any input from me.

Generated Outrage

 I read a couple of articles yesterday that really made me think "Who Cares?!?"  One article talked about Senator Lindsey Graham being spotted at Disney World, and the other discussed an Army helicopter doing a flyby at Kid Rock's house.  I believe these are both instances of the media trying to create the next big story.

Let's start with the Army helicopter story.  To my understanding, a couple of Army Apache helicopters did a flyby at Kid Rock's house, stopping long enough to hover and give Kid Rock a photo op.  I'll concede this was out of the ordinary, but it's not the first time that military members have done something like this.  I'm not a huge fan of Kid Rock, but I can see the allure of making a quick detour to see something noteworthy if the opportunity arose.  If I put my younger self in the shoes of these soldiers, I could absolutely see myself doing it.  I support that the Army looked into it, and I'm okay with Hegseth saying "Let it go."  Geez folks, we're bombing Iran, and we're getting our collective panties in a bunch about this?!?  What does that say about our priorities?

I have the same general feeling (see what I did there?) about Lindsay Graham at Disney World.  Yeah, we're in the midst of a partial government shutdown, and I believe that our elected officials should be locked in a room, without pay, and served bread and water until they get their $h!+ together and hash things out like big boys and girls.  That's not gonna happen though.  Furthermore, there is little to no indication that the Senate was actively negotiating a solution at the time, and I am skeptical that Graham's physical location would have made any difference in the budget impasse.

It seems that we as a society have forgotten how to prioritize what's really important, and I would like you to consider that the media's need for constant emergencies and attention is a major driver of this problem.  Those who got all wrapped around the axles over these stories need to recognize that anger for what it is... generated outrage.