Sooo Relaxing!

As I mentioned yesterday, wifey and I had a couples massage.  It was great.  It's only the second time in my life I've had a professional massage, and it was most excellent.  I think part of the reason I had gone so long without was because I had a deep tissue massage the first time around, and I left more sore than when I went in, and I was sore for a couple of days.

This time around, I kept the lesson from my first massage and went for a medium pressure massage.  I had fully expected I'd have muscle tightness, even though I do yoga, but I had no idea how much tension my muscles were carrying.  My neck and shoulders in particular still feel crazy relaxed compared to before the massage.  I asked the massage dude what he noticed as a therapist, and he essentially said that I was tense all over.

You may notice that I had a guy do the massage.  I know that some people are weird about having a male masseur, but not me. 

After I got home, I cracked a few beers and relaxed even further, and later on, I made fajitas for dinner.  The fajitas had beef, chicken and shrimp.  Yummy!

Overall, it was sooo relaxing!  I think I'm gonna need to take the wife out and do this again sometime.

Couple Time

Wifey and I have a couples massage today.  I bought her a gift certificate for a couples massage back in April.  I like spoiling her, and I like spending time with her.  It's been a little too long since we've done something like this for absolutely no reason.

I'll let you in on a little secret.  My wife kind of awes me.  I can't believe how consistently kind she is, while at the same time having strength of character and will that's incredibly uncommon.  I'm even more surprised at how well she tolerates my silly ass.

Yep, I'm pretty fortunate. 

It's Just Not Fun Anymore

I'm about ready to hang up my hat with my local Marine Corps League detachment.  Earlier this year, we had a bitter and contested leadership election, and the root of the problem is that the old guard is used to having their way, whereas the current Commandant is trying to bring our detachment into the 21st century and attract younger membership.

Earlier this year, the old guard nominated a challenger to the current Commandant and lost at this year's election.  A couple of guys immediately stopped coming.  A couple of others just successfully pushed through changes to our bylaws, effectively making this our current Commandant's last term.  What they did was change the term limits in our bylaws, reducing the previous four-year limit to a two consecutive term limit.  I have to admit that it was clever.

At the same time, I have several problems with this.  First and foremost, they changed bylaws because they didn't like the outcome of a single election.  That's a huge case of overkill, kind of like an NFL fan pushing through a rule change because his team lost the Super Bowl.  Second, the previous term limit was four years total for an individual and the new term limit is two consecutive years.  For as long as I've been a member of this group, finding people to serve in leadership has been notoriously difficult.  By shortening the term limit, this problem is exacerbated.  Third, the role of Commandant in particular has a learning curve.  The first year is just learning the ropes, and speaking from experience, year three is where you really hit your stride.  This means the rule change will reduce the effectiveness of future leaders.  This, of course, is what the old guard wants.

We have become a microcosmic example of the exact problem that Veteran Service Organizations across the country are experiencing.  We are unable to attract and retain the younger generation of veterans.  This is precisely because the old guard veterans are completely out of touch with the needs and motivations of younger veterans.  We understand the problem and know that we need to change, and meet the younger veterans where they are.  When we do get younger folks, they show up with enthusiasm, but it's quickly crushed by the old guard.  The new guys have ideas about things we can do to bring in more young guys, but the old guys shoot down the ideas, because they're too expensive, or they tried it once before and it didn't work.

And the shit these guys are bitching about is stupid shit!!!  They're getting pissed off over things like place mats at a formal dinner.  They're getting pissed because they're used to their good ol' boys club internally selecting the local Marine of the Year, despite the fact that the nomination process requires submission by members at large.  They're behaving like stereotypical boomers.  They talk about wanting to grow, change, and attract younger members.  But when the rubber meets the road, they're not willing to change or sacrifice anything to achieve the outcome they say they want.  They say they want change, but they mean they want everyone else to change.

I'm proud of being a veteran, and I love serving the veteran community, but I've got to admit that I don't know how much more of this I can stand.  Where I used to look forward to the monthly meetings, and left feeling energized, I'm now feeling a pit in my stomach before the meetings and am consistently leaving with a strong case of the ick.  It's just not fun anymore.

Pride Month

As you're likely aware, June is Pride Month, which according to AI is "...a global observance dedicated to celebrating the LGBTQ+ community..."  I'd like to speak about this for a moment...

When I was a child, it was illegal to be gay, and homosexuality was considered a mental disorder.  While the legal and medical standards changed rapidly in the 1970s, it was still generally considered taboo to to be gay.  I absolutely remember fag and fem being among the worst insults one could hurl at a young male.  Homosexuality could get you thrown out of the military, which was a bit ironic, considering how homoerotic that hyper-masculine environment really was.  And I must admit that I was intolerant of homosexuality in my younger days.  At one point in my early twenties I proudly announced that I was only intolerant of two things -- bigots and faggots.  And yes, I was aware of the irony.  At that stage in my life, I thought I was pretty clever.

My perspective changed when I worked with a guy named Brian Smith.  Brian was one of those guys who neither flaunted nor hid his homosexuality.  I figured he was probably gay, but we never talked about it.  I got to know him as a person and, quite simply, I found his presence enjoyable.  He was fun to be around.  I discovered his homosexuality by seeing a small pin-back button in a drawer at his desk that had a rainbow and said "Sorry girls, I'm gay."  This was not snooping, because I needed to open his drawer for legitimate work, but that's not relevant to the story.  What's important was that I had a passing mundane epiphany.  I could either continue with my gay hating ways, or I could accept his sexuality and move on.  I chose the latter.  Essentially, what had happened was a realization that I could continue living with my prejudice and suddenly start hating a guy based on the fact that he was gay, or I could continue to accept him for who he was, while realizing that part of that identity happened to be that he was gay.  I chose the latter.

This was not a watershed moment in my life.  The entire internal conversation may have taken five seconds.  There was no big change in my personality.  I didn't suddenly transform into a vocal ally.  What happened was that I realized one of my life assumptions was incorrect -- the assumption that homosexuals were somehow deviant, depraved, or inferior -- and I accepted that my old mentality was incorrect as matter-of-factly as if I had discovered that I had the wrong answer on a homework assignment.  I corrected things and moved on.

I'd love to say that moment caused me to accept the transgender community, but that's not what happened.  I still wasn't ready to accept that gender identity may not coincide with biological gender.  And I'll admit that, to this day, I can't quite relate to the gay or transgender identity... except for lesbians.  I totally get why lesbians dig chicks, because I do too.  But the thing is, I've learned to realize that I don't need to understand or relate.  I just need to accept.  I don't need a detailed understanding of the science behind gravity to realize that an apple falling from a tree will always hit the ground.

From my perspective, this is what Pride Month is about.  It's about trying to remind people that, while homosexuality is outside of the mainstream, it's not a deviant behavior that warrants scorn, contempt and hatred from the straight community.  Simply being transgender does not warrant hate and violence.  Sexual preference and gender identity are simply one of countless things that make us all unique, such as biological gender, race, national origin, faith, hair color, and so forth.

I look forward to the day where we can appreciate one another for our character, not our characteristics, but I'm not confident this will happen during my lifetime.  Until that happens though, please know that I will quietly work to advocate for this outcome. 

... Better Than I Can Say It

I read a great critique on Trump MAGA folks today.  Okay, it's not a critique.  It's a brief heartfelt essay that explains why some are having such a difficult time with Trump supporters.  Mike McCready is the author.  For those of you who are unfamiliar with McCready, he founded Pearl Jam, Mad Season and Temple of the Dog.  These are all bands I really appreciate.  And once again, he's found words that have eluded me for years.

Here's his essay... 

Martha's 100th Birthday

I don't know if you heard about it, but the United States is set to celebrate its 250th birthday on July 4.  This, of course, is a milestone birthday that deserves respect, reflection and celebration.  Unfortunately, it doesn't look like that's going to happen, and once again I'm going to place the blame on us.  When I say "us," I mean all of us... the collective group known as Americans.

At the center of this debate, of course, is our illustrious leader, Donald Trump, a person who can't resist making everything all about him.  For example, he is advocating a new $250 bill that carries his image, in honor of the country's 250th birthday.  Despite the fact that we have laws preventing living people from appearing on our currency, because that's what monarchies and dictatorships do, our commander in chief somehow believes that he deserves more recognition than Washington, Franklin, Jefferson, Lincoln and others who appear on our currency, by becoming the first living president to appear on currency.  This is a side note to illustrate my point...

My point is that we are celebrating our country's 250th birthday.  Part of this includes a planned "Geat American State Fair," scheduled to take place late June through mid-July.  While I personally think the idea of a fair is a bit quaint and out of date, I support the basic concept of a big birthday bash.  The problem is that Trump's mentality demands that everything be about him.

Unfortunately, this also divides our country.  Half of America will automatically reject anything associated with him, so half of the country is effectively left out of the birthday celebration.  Another 25% supports Trump but still feels that he should let this celebration be about America, so their opinions are dismissed as well.  Meanwhile, the remaining 25% gets to have a hootenanny... f**k the rest of the country!  I politely dissent.  While I am certainly part of the never Trump crowd, this specific post is about this specific issue... our country's 250th birthday celebration should be about the COUNTRY, and the PERSON should recognize this and play second fiddle for once in his life.

To use an analogy... Great-grandma Martha's 100th birthday is coming up, and she's married to her third husband, Bob who's obnoxiously gregarious.  He's planning a huge blowout party.  He will be the emcee.  He will cut the cake.  He will personally select the band and each song the band plays.  He's planning the meal.  He's sitting at the center of the head table, with her to his immediate right.  He will give the toast and be the only speaker.  He will talk about how smart she was to marry him, and trash talk her previous husbands and any offspring of those husbands.  He will dance poorly to YMCA.  You get the idea.

His family knows how this will play out.  Half of the family will refuse to go to Martha's party, because they hate Bob.  They want to go to the party, but they also know they'll be absolutely miserable if they attend.  They don't want to go through that, and they don't want to subject their family to that special kind of hell.  Another quarter of the family will suck it up and go, even though they don't really like Bob.  The final quarter will show up, hoot and holler at the toast, tell Bob he threw a great party, get falling down drunk, and completely forget to wish Martha happy birthday.

It doesn't have to be this way.  Bob could hire others to give Martha the birthday she wants, which is a celebration that the whole family would want to attend.  But that's not how Bob works.  Here ends the analogy. 

Why Politicians Sling Mud

Today's post is again inspired by Sunny, who wrote about her distaste for mudslinging earlier today.  I've had similar conversations with many, many friends over the years, and we all say that we hate it, yet somehow the overwhelming majority of today's political campaigns end up flinging poo at their opponents.  I think it's more appropriate to call it flinging poo, because our political discourse has become so dismal that our elected officials are behaving more like primates than people.

The thing is, slinging $h1+ works!  Polls and election results have consistently shown that saying bad things about your opponent yields better results than taking the high road and focusing on your own policy and platform.  This means it's our own damn fault, because at a macro level, we reward the exact behavior that we rebuke as individuals. Our brains seem to respond to trash talking at a subconscious level.

When I think back to my younger days, I recall the entire political arena being far more respectful.  While statistics demonstrate that elected officials did work across party lines more frequently than they do today, I have to admit that mudslinging has always existed. "Tricky Dick" was Richard Nixon's nickname.  John Kerry was "swiftboated."  Going back further in history, slinging $h1+ was rampant after the civil war, when there was national animosity, and yellow journalism was the rule, not the exception.

I believe that part of the appeal of Donald Trump is that he has turned smack talking into an art form.  Partisan supporters love that he's "owning the libs," and "calling out the deep state."  When he's caught in a lie about his opponents, Trump's supporters say that he's "speaking figuratively."

I also suspect that $h1+ slinging is a large part of why people stop participating in the election process.  They think crap, they're all a bunch of liars, why should I vote for any of them?!? Unfortunately, this would also mean that the people who respond to negative campaigning end up being the majority of voters, creating a vicious cycle.

What this all means is that mudslinging is nothing new, and the only way to make it stop is to quit feeding the beast.  Stop reading internet articles that talk about so-and-so owning his opponent.  Quit buying newspapers that focus on sensationalism.  End your support for politicians who attack the other guy's character instead of rationally disagreeing with platform issues.  We got where we are as a result of our own behavior.  Politicians are not guiding us, they are reflecting us.  They won't do better until we do better.