The End of the Promise

When my friend died a few years ago, I made a promise to myself, in his honor.  I promised that I'd be there for his widow and his girls.  I made this commitment with a few ideas in mind, but not knowing exactly how things would play out.  Even today, I'm not sure precisely what I expected, but do recall thinking I'd probably tell the kids stories about their dad... maybe teach them how to drive... help the family with little tasks around the house.  Regardless, I imagined myself... I don't know... involved.

As is often the case in life, things haven't exactly panned out how I pictured.  I started out visiting pretty frequently... every week or two.  Time passed and as the girls aged, they weren't interested in my visits.  Then his wife started getting busy as well.  My visits got less and less frequent.  Next thing I knew, I hadn't visited in over six months.

Soon after, I looked back, and realized that we had become Facebook friends, but even that was less frequent.  I'd check in to see how things were going, or to report such and such an event in my life, but didn't get responses.  I came to the conclusion that I was doing all of the work.  I reached out to them, but there really wasn't any reciprocation.

A month or two ago, I understood that it was time for the end of the promise.  I ran into them at our downtown Farmer's Market.  We caught eyes... there was a brief moment of unexpected surprise... a quick smile, and a hello.  During the exchange, my wife needed my attention for the briefest of moments.  I turned to answer her, and by the time I turned back, mere seconds later, they were gone.  It was obvious they weren't interested in hanging back for a conversation, however brief.

I'd like to be very clear about a few things... I hold no ill will toward the family.  Their lives have moved forward, and their new reality doesn't include me.  I'm completely okay with that.  I was never asked to make this promise... not by them, and not by him.  It was a commitment I made to myself during a period of intense grief.  I'd also like to clarify that I'm not writing them off.  If they need something from me in the future, I plan to be there.  What I'm doing is acknowledging their priorities have changed, and that it's time for me to stop trying to insert myself into their lives, while hoping they understand I'm still here if they need me.