Sunday, January 22, 2012

There Are Reasons

The reason I ask you to put your dirty dishes into the dishwasher is because it takes you no extra time to put one bowl, plate or glass into the dishwasher. But it takes me 10 minutes to move a sink full of dishes into the dishwasher.

The reason I ask you to move the clean dishes from the dishwasher to the cupboards is because I provide you with food, clothing and shelter. That shit's expensive. The least you could do is show me a bit of gratitude by putting the dishes away.

The reason I ask you to use the left side of the sink for dishes that won't fit into the dishwasher, is because the garbage disposal is on the right side. This way, you can properly dispose of the leftover food, instead of leaving it in the sink, where it starts to stink.

The reason I ask you to put the entire toilet seat down is twofold. First, it's a fairness issue. If you girls are going to ask me to put the seat down, then turnabout's fair play. Second, the dogs like drinking from the toilet.

The reason I ask you to move your stuff to your room is because I'm tired of tripping over your shit at night.

The reason I don't let you eat in your room is because you would never bring back the dirty dishes and half-eaten sandwiches.

The reason that we only have one TV is because I've seen what happens to families with multiple TVs. They never hang out together.

The reason that we don't have cable TV is because I am trying to help this family live within its means, and teach you how important it is to do the same.

The reason I ask you to clean your bathroom is because it's just nasty. Women may wonder how guys can "miss" the toilet when they pee. Well, I want to know how you can miss when you throw your applicators into the garbage, and then not pick them up. Oh wait. I DO know. It's because you realize that if you don't pick them up, the dogs will think they're a treat. And I won't discuss the hairballs in the shower, make-up all over the vanity, and toothpaste spit all over the bathroom sink.

The reason I ask you to put your empty soda cans into the recycle bin is because I shouldn't have to. It's true that I was put on this earth to clean up after you, but only until you became old enough to do it yourself. Guess what? You're old enough.

Hopefully kids, you can now see that there are reasons for the things I do. You may think I'm a bit crazy. You may believe that I am unreasonable. You might disagree with my rationale. But there ARE reasons. Live with it.