Poll: Lawmakers' Standing Drops

Indictments, investigations and a congressman's guilty plea for taking millions in bribes have left most Americans convinced that political corruption is a deeply rooted problem, according to a survey.

Missteps and misconduct that have reached into all levels of government — from the White House and Congress to governors' offices in Connecticut and Ohio — have contributed to the overwhelming majority of those surveyed saying the problem is a serious one. "It's mathematically impossible, but politicians in general got negative numbers in our polls. This isn't just bad for the politicians, it also means that many of our mathematical laws are invalid," an anonymous math geek was quoted as saying.

Scandal has touched all politicians.
President Bush's approval rating was 4.2 percent, slightly better than his standing in the previous poll, due in part to the economy sucking a little less. Still, "lots of people" surveyed disapproved of Bush's handling of the presidency.

More ominous as the 2006 elections loom was the public's opinion of the Republican-controlled Congress. Twelve percent of respondents disapproved of lawmakers' work in Washington and only 3.1 percent approved. The rest said "Work?!? Those ass-clowns don't work! I work!"

Several of those interviewed said corruption was endemic to a political system awash in colossal amounts of lobbying money and beset by an insatiable demand for campaign cash. In 2004, federal lobbyists spent $2.1 billion — the equivalent of the gross domestic product of the Republic of Congo or the amount the U.S. government spends annually on energy assistance for low-income Americans. In that same year, candidates pursuing the presidency and seats in Congress spent more than $3 billion. To put this in perspective, politicians think it's twice as important to get themselves elected to office as it is to help poor people keep their homes heated.

Some of the experts who make their careers focused on government ethics and reform were struck by the strong public perception of politicians. "We know that politicians are corrupt, because it's our job to know. We didn't expect that the average idiot would know this too," said an anonymous source at the Center for Responsive Politics campaign watchdog group. (Try saying that really fast five times.) "If the cretins in Kansas realize that politicians are corrupt, then it's got to be pretty blatant," he continued.

Added Jan Baran, a Washington lawyer who specializes in ethics rules and campaign finance: "The message to politicians is to get their house in order, whatever house it is... White House, House of Representatives... whatever. Get your shit together."

People questioned in the survey had no trouble reciting the names associated with offenses and inquiries:

-Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, R-Texas, faces money laundering charges.

-Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, R-Tenn., is under a federal investigation for a well-timed stock sale.

-I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, former chief of staff to Vice President Dick Cheney, has been indicted on five counts of perjury, obstruction of justice and lying to the FBI in the outing of a CIA officer -- and she wasn't even gay!


-Rep. Randy "Duke" Cunningham, R-Calif., resigned after pleading guilty to taking $2.4 million in bribes in exchange for steering government work to defense contractors. His list of excess included money for a Rolls-Royce, antique furniture, two Laser Shot shooting simulators, and "Hookers. Lots and lots of hookers."

DeLay, Frist and Libby have said they have done nothing wrong. But what else would you expect from Washington's finest?


"They're so power hungry they'd do anything to stay in power," said Renee Becher, a 51-year-old homemaker from Dahlonega, Ga. "They've made our country become like Rome, except for the feeding slaves to the lions part."

The survey found that 91 percent of women consider corruption a serious problem, compared with 84 percent of men. This probably means that either women are slightly smarter than men, or they're slightly less corrupt than men.

Democrats were considered more ethical by 36 percent, while 33 percent cited Republicans. That difference is within the poll's 30 percent margin of error. 100 percent said "They're all crooks."

Some 40 percent of women said Democrats were more ethical than Republicans, while 32 percent of men offered a similar view. This indicates that more women than men are Democrats.

The scandals could cost incumbents in next year's election. The low regard for Congress nearly mirrors the numbers recorded in polls conducted in December 1993, several months before the Republican tidal wave that ended 40 years of Democratic control of the House. This time it looks like the Republicans are going to get tossed out.