Evan’s 25th Reunion – Part III of III (The Accommodations)

This one’s for Lynn, who said “Go for 3 in one day… be crazy!!! Just do it!! Peer pressure!!!!" But let me be clear… I’m done for the day after this post! You will need to wait until tomorrow (at the earliest) for the fourth installment of my trilogy.

This will cover a topic I touched on during my last post, but I need to back up over three decades before truly delving in. When I was twelve years old, my parents decided to move from Kansas back to their hometown of Mason City, IA. During the move, we stayed at the Sleepy Bear motel. I’ve always had fond memories of that place, but I am also a bit more skeptical with age. One thing that’s almost always a red flag when it comes to hotel accommodations is external doors. In my terminology, this is also what separates a motel from a hotel.

So, when I looked for a place to stay in Mason City, I considered a grand total of three places. I ended up selecting the American Best Inn for a combination of reasons… 1) I had fond memories of the place growing up. 2) It was very close to the weekend’s festivities. Close enough that I could walk, and not have to worry about drunk driving. 3) Price. Let’s face it, I’m money-conscious. 4) I asked my parents, who still live in Mason City, and they didn’t have anything negative to say about the place (until the next morning). I was willing to overlook the fact that it had external doors when I booked for the weekend. Big mistake.

When I got there, I saw that the pool was empty and broken. The front desk staff took… well, far too long… to realize that I had shown up. They fucked up my reservations and informed me that I’d need to change rooms the next day. And my motel room smelled like wet dog. With that said though, I planned to do nothing other than sleeping in the room, so I was willing to overlook the… ummm… minor inconveniences… that I had experienced. I went out and partied like it was 1999. My mom stayed in the room with my daughter while I was out living the high life.

When I got back, I was fairly intoxicated… and by “fairly intoxicated,” I mean “very drunk.” My head hit the pillow and I was out in seconds. The next morning is when I started noticing shit. When I woke up, I discovered that the comforters had a LOT of… ummm… feminine stains… on the underside. The bathroom (which I hadn’t visited until the next morning) was small, old and dingy, complete with peeling wallpaper. There was no bathtub, but the shower still contained a sleepy bear tile. I have to admit, a bit of nostalgia kicked in when I saw that.

Despite the fact that my daughter and I went to bed at the same time, I was up before her. So I left the motel and started my day. On my way out, I noticed that not only was the pool empty, it was downright TRASHED. I also saw that two of the prime first-floor rooms had become storage rooms. The curtains were not closed, and the rooms were in a major state of disrepair. But the capstone was probably when I saw too guys rolling “something” in Zig Zag rolling papers, right in the parking lot. Okay, that wasn’t the… ummm… lowlight.

At this point, I will remind you (from my earlier posts) that my wife met me in Mason City on Saturday. When we got back to the hotel, she saw a guy smoking from what she’s sure was a crack pipe, on the second floor balcony of his room.

We immediately cancelled our remaining night at the American Best, and moved to the Quality Inn. It was shortly after this that my dad told me that the American Best had a seedy reputation in town. Umm… thanks, dad, for telling me this when I originally asked!!

So, the moral of this story is that, unless you’re a crack whore, you should avoid the Mason City, Iowa American Best Inn motel at all costs. It really sucked.