Late last month I received the official notification terminating my child support. I'm going to say up front, that I paid a pittance in child support for the last couple of years, and for the most part it's actually my ex-wife's fault. A couple of years after our divorce, both of our financial situations changed. My wages went down considerably, and hers went up slightly. I informed the ex that I'd be requesting a child support review. I also informed my then-new wife that I'd be requesting a child support review as well, and she somehow managed to talk me out of it. The ex must have taken my lack of action as an indication that I determined a child support review would not turn out in my favor, because after a couple of months, Child Support Recovery notified me that my ex was requesting a review. I was positively giddy at the aspect of her action coming back to bite her in the ass, and it did... in a big way. My child support dropped by over 50%. As a direct result of what I can only assume is my ex-wife's greed, I spent several thousand fewer dollars in child support.
This story kind of brings me to my next point. I think that the whole issue of child support and custody need to be completely revisited. Over the years, there has been significant progress in fathers' rights when it comes to custody and visitation. Unfortunately, however, we fathers are still seen as little more than walking wallets when it comes to supporting our children. WIth this in mind, I'd like to propose a radical departure from the status quo. I propose that parents be given joint legal custody, joint physical care, and no child support as the starting point. I know I'm going to piss a lot of people off with this crazy idea, but hear me out...
It's taken as common knowledge that it's in the best interest of children to have both parents actively involved in the upbringing. By starting off with 50/50 custody as the assumption, we're already looking out for the best interest of the kids. There should, of course, be wide latitude for variation to address parental preferences, geographical separation, and cases of abuse. But 50/50 should be the starting point.
Having no child support is a tremendous incentive for keeping reluctant parents involved in their kids' lives. You can choose to spend more time with the kids, or you can choose to spend more money on your kids. Is this an ideal motivation for uninvolved parents? No. But it's better than the status quo.
Here's my biggest point: Child support is a disincentive to work; and the larger the percentage sent to child support, the greater disincentive to work. Why would I work crazy amounts of overtime if half of what I make is going to child support... especially if I never see the kid(s)?!? Why would I try to get a higher paying job when I know that my ex-wife is just going to request a child support review and take away half of my raise? On the flip side of the coin, why would the recipient of child support want to go out and work more, or find a better paying job? Child support helps out plenty. And if the recipient goes out and finds a job, there's always a chance -- a high chance -- that child support payments will decrease. The state talks about the cycle of poverty, and how entitlements contribute to it... well here's something I never hear discussed. It must be some sort of taboo... kind of like the prospect of overhauling Social Security. By the way, children observe the results of this disincentive. How do you think it influences their work ethic?
I don't expect any changes overnight, but I would like you to consider and discuss my thoughts. What do I have right? What am I missing?
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3 comments:
As someone who has worked for the State of Iowa, Department of Human Services, Child Support Recovery Unit for just shy of 20 years, I can tell you that your argument(s) are woefully lacking in reason and reality. Due to time constraints all I will say is what I've said all along.......I sure hope those thousands of dollars you saved due to your "greedy ex-wife" went into some college accounts.
As your so called greedy ex wife. Let me just say I call BULLSHIT on your first paragraph. You should not assume any of that was from my greed as I specifically informed you at the time that I requested the review because I wanted the correct amount reflected for child support. The fact that you feel some sense of accomplishment because of your freedom from paying me $15 a month for the last 4 years shows how petty and cheap you are. You must know my best friend works for child support recovery. I know my rights. When you decided, voluntarily, to work part time, I could have requested an appeal on that basis. The child support would then have been awarded to me based on what you would make in a 40 hour work week. But, I didn't, I'm so greedy, I took the high road. Like I did when you tried to send me to jail and when you drug our children into BS they didn't need to be drawn into. You sound like you are still bitter about something with that statement. Could it be you never really got over the fact that all I really wanted was my kids and away from you? It has been 11 years. Get over it, Christian.
I think you are absolutely correct. I think that it SHOULD start out 50/50 for those exact reasons. Then according to how involved in their lives the parents are after a certain period, those ratios could change.
When me and my chidrens father divorced- the judge was amazed that I adamantly refused court ordered alimony or child support. He left it open for review in the future. When he asked to see me in his chamber after the hearing, he asked me why I had been so adamant in not taking child support. I told him the truth. My ex was an abuser- not of the children but of me. I didnt want any chance of giving him a reason to turn that abuse from me to them if and when he ever decided he wanted visitation. I also told him that the ex literally was NEVER there for us while we were married- that I had to steal money out of his wallet when he came in from his weekend drug and drink binges to buy food for the little ones. Never mind that we were on welfare benefits at the time- the ex would take those from me and sell them to trade for his drugs and beer. I took that money at the risk of a beating, but I did. I didnt dare work and leave him with the children either. But all the while I was planning a SAFE escape from him and his lifestyle. I told the judge I would only be on welfare until I could find a job - any job- to support me and my children and then I would come off it and NEVER go on it again. And that's exactly what happened. He saw the children on the occasional weekend after he remarried.....But even then, he would leave the children with his new wife while he went off and partied with his "friends". The kids loved their Mama Micki (and we got along famously too, bless her)and after she and my ex divorced, the chidren stopped asking to go visit him and he never asked them to come stay.
I did it on my own- I didn't need his help, monetary or otherwise. He gave what he wanted to them of himself and money. And it wasnt much of either.
I just think starting out 50/50 in everything would show who was the best parent for custody if nothing else.
There's always two sides to every story- but I see how much you love your children from what you write on here- and photos dont lie either. Your kids love you to death and that cant be because you are the greedy selfish bastard that some people are trying to make you out to be. You have done everything in your power to be a good dad and remain in your kids lives and help them out with whatever (or WHOEVER) has been making it tough for them. Greedy selfish bastards arent generally known for giving a shit about what happens to anyone else.
I dont want to start a war on here with anyone- but since the first handfuls of mudslinging has already been slung, and I dont think it was by you, isnt it nice to know she keeps an eye on what you are doing and saying after all these years, too. Talk about needing to move on...........but that's none of my business.
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