Ready for Retirement

You may have noticed that I went a few days without posting.  (But then again, maybe not, considering that long hiatus I previously took.)  Either way, I'm returning to work after a few days off for Christmas.  That time off included time away from the computer.  I'm working today and tomorrow, then I'm off for the rest of the week.  Either way, I learned (or reinforced) a few things...

1) I'm ready for retirement.  I understand that some people need to always have a schedule, or must be doing something.  I am not one of those individuals.  I'm totally fine with the idea of sleeping in one morning, and then being up before dawn the next day.  I did not experience boredom; I was relaxed.

2) Detoxing from the news and social media are real things.  Yes, I did read the news, and I did a quick daily check with social media, but it was a quick cruise of the headlines for news, and I only read posts directly sent to me.  I managed to avoid the rabbit hole of the news and the cesspool of social media.

1) I'm ready for retirement.

3) I had forgotten how much I enjoy curling up with a good book.  I'm currently on book six of the Dungeon Crawler Carl series.  It's fantastic!  It's become my new favorite, dethroning my previous fave Incarnations of Immortality.

1) I'm ready for retirement.

4) While this winter isn't hitting me as hard as previous years, I'm ready for warm weather.  We've hit the time of year when I'm questioning my life choices.

1)  I'm ready for retirement.

5)  I'm looking forward to shooting league.  I'm in a local competitive league, which runs during the colder months.  It gets me out of the house, gives me something to do, and hones my hand-eye coordination.  Plus I love the smell of gunpowder.  I had a rough season last year, because my astigmatism changed a bit and the optometrist can't fully compensate for it.  It took several months, but I am using a different style of optic, and I believe I'm dialed in and ready to go again.

1) I'm ready for retirement. 

The Main Mission Became a Side Quest

I just got back from an awesome hunting trip.  My buddy James and I were selected to participate in a semi-guided hunt, sponsored by an area non-profit dedicated to veterans.  We met at the lodge on Thursday afternoon, with two other veterans selected for the event.  After quickly unpacking our rifles and cold weather gear, we were soon in the blinds for the evening golden hour.  We didn't see any movement, and returned to the cabin at the end of the day.

After dinner, the four of us, and the two hosts, spent the evening discussing local hot spots, claiming our areas for the next day, and getting to know each other for a bit.  Day two was a bust as well, though the other guys did see some promising signs.  After dinner on day two, I shared that James and I are novice deer hunters, having only taken up the sport a couple of years back.  I said I've never bagged a deer, and James acknowledged that his only harvest was a fully guided hunt.  I asked if they'd be willing to partner with James and me separately, and they were fully on board.

We spent the rest of the evening poring over the maps and determining how we were going to pair up.  Through all of this, we spent a lot of time swapping stories over a few adult beverages.  Day three brought the opportunity to improve our stalking skills, which is far more interesting and challenging than sitting in a blind all day.  On day three, I finally saw a relatively young buck, but I didn't have a clear shot.  James saw one doe, but again no clear shot.  Both of the other guys hit a deer, during the last 30 minutes of the day.  On day four, I saw two does, but again no clear shot.

This is the third year I've hunted deer, and the third year I've come home empty handed.  You would think I'd be getting frustrated by now, but that's not the case.  This year especially, I went out hoping to bag a deer, but I came home with something far better - new friendships.  Yes, it's true that harvesting a deer was the primary goal.  But when James and I left, I realized that somewhere along the way, the main mission became a side quest.  Here's hoping I can successfully harvest a deer next year. 

In Other News...

According to this story, the parent company of Truth Social is merging with a nuclear fusion company.  I'm not going to attempt to claim that I understand this specific merger.

In other news, President Donald Trump has announced that he's created a new type of fusion.

Imposter Syndrome

 I've been working in IT for almost 30 years.  When I started, I had virtually no knowledge about the field; I just knew I wanted to get into the industry because I enjoyed computers, and because it was an up-and-coming sector with virtually limitless possibilities.

I landed my first job at the help desk level with no formal education or training.  Fortunately, I had excellent troubleshooting skills and brought a relaxed, casual style of interaction with my end users.  It took virtually no time for me to master the workstation and my desire to learn and grow took me to server management.  Since then, I have designed and managed several networks, served as an IT manager, worked in the IT security sector, and built compliance processes for multiple companies.  By any measure, I have a wide array of expertise.

With this in mind, it would be easy to assume that I consider myself an expert.  I know for certain that a lot of my colleagues, past and present, recognize my skill set. I don't consider myself an expert though.  I have a reasonably deep understanding of a few areas, and a broad knowledge of the industry as a whole.  This comes from working for small companies.  Small businesses require a can-do mentality because they don't have the resources to continually hire people who are experts in one small area.

One of IT's dirty little secrets is that Imposter Syndrome is very common.  I believe this is because when we say "I work in IT," the public believes this automatically means we know all things digital.  Whether it's using programming skills to write the next big program, building a hot rod gaming rig, or figuring out why the iPhone isn't connecting to the home WiFi network, people assume we know it all.  That's not the case.

IT is very much like the medical profession.  Your primary physician sees you for check-ups.  A surgeon works on your insides, but only to an extent.  There's further specialize for brain surgery, heart surgery or severely damaged broken bones.  The anesthesiologist knows how much sedative you'll need for surgery, but doesn't have the specialized training to perform a bowel resection.

IT also has a pecking order.  Help Desk is at the bottom.  Server and network administrators are one rung up.  At the top, you have architects who design complex networks.  Security is its own world.  Programming is yet another realm.  They both have multiple possible specialties.  In short it's impossible to know everything.  If you do, then you know everything about one tiny, specific aspect of IT.  This, of course, is prime breeding ground for Imposter Syndrome.  No matter what, you will find someone who carries knowledge you don't possess, and when they pull out jargon you've never heard, you feel like a kindergarten kid in a college physics class.  It becomes easy to second-guess your skill and feel like you understand less than you should.  The trick is not getting over it, it's learning to live with it.

The Profound Wisdom of a Simple Life

At this point in my life, I've developed a pretty consistent routine for my day.  I get up around 6:00 AM, head to the gym, come home, shower, have some coffee and maybe a bit of breakfast, and I check my email, touch in on social media, and read the news while I drink my coffee and eat my sometimes-breakfast.

Every... stinking... day... that I do this, I find something that pulls me from the peace and reverie of my morning.  Whether it's the latest stupidity of our elected officials, a story about a mass murder half a country away, or an unhinged rant from someone on social media, I always manage to find something that raises my blood pressure.  This, of course, is the electronic media companies doing exactly what they're supposed to do... find a sensationalistic story or tidbit that will engage and entice me for the maximum possible period of time, so they can present me with "personalized and relevant" advertisements.  It's not about keeping me informed, and it's not about building relationships.  It's about getting me to spend money.

I'd like to clarify that I consciously realize what's going on, and I've gotten pretty good at recognizing click bait.  I avoid stories with headlines about Entity A "destroying" or "owning" Opponent B.  I steer away from articles that start with "People do this [or these X things] to achieve (insert objective here.)  I scroll on past the latest rant of the day from my friends on social media.  But it's not enough.

Generally, I try to read the news so that I am an informed citizen. I was raised to believe that it's my civic duty to know what's going on in the world around me.  I delivered newspapers as a boy, and when I got home, I'd read that very same paper while I ate my morning cereal before going off to school.  When I was in the military, I subscribed to Time and Newsweek magazines so that I could understand why I was deployed to remote locations throughout the world.  I watched the evening news so I could hold my elected officials accountable when I cast my vote in elections.  I talked about events and ideas with friends and family.  Over time, my method of ingesting information evolved from print to electronic media, but the underlying rationale generally remained the same... that core belief that awareness is my duty.  I've also come to realize that this duty at its root brings me zero peace and happiness.

If you take a look at my past posts, you will notice that I tend to write about two things:  politics, and my personal life.  I suspect you'll also notice that when I talk about the goings-on in the world at large, it tends to be criticizing or critiquing things I disagree with, whereas my personal stories come from a place of gratefulness and peace.  For the majority of my life, I couldn't understand how someone could choose to ignore the world around us.  After all, we live in a dumpster fire.  How can we tackle the latest COW (Crisis Of the Week) if we don't even know about it?!?  Heck, I even ran for the state legislature because I desired to be the change I sought.

At the end of the day though, nothing changed, except my frustration level.  A few years back, I went on a week-long vacation and because I was off grid, I had no access to the outside world.  It was just me, those around me, and the events of the day... exploring the wilderness, and meeting my immediate needs of food, water and shelter.  When I got back from vacation, I fell into my old pattern of catching up on the news of the day; and I consciously noticed how much it riled me up.  I instantly wanted to drop out of society and live a simple life.

Since that time, I've slowly modified my behavior and reached the internal compromise that I alluded to earlier in my post.  I still read the news, and I still cruise social media, but I avoid click bait articles and I ignore rage posts on social media.  I'm still a bit agitated, as even recent posts can attest, but my blood no longer boils.  I still hope for a better world, but acknowledge that my ability to bring about that change is quite minimal.  I've come to understand the profound wisdom of a simple life, and am consciously working toward it.

Ping Pong Posts

It looks like Sunny and I have created a game of ping pong posts over the theme of Christmas.  Today's post is just a ramble of random Christmas memories and traditions, listed in no particular order.

Sunny mentioned the 3 gift rule.  This is honestly the first time I've heard of it. It certainly would have made life a lot simpler when I was a young parent.

I never had stockings as a kid.  That tradition showed up when I got married.

As a kid, I always wanted a tree with long needles, but my mom hated them because the vacuum wouldn't pick up the long needles.  That was a change I made while I still used real trees.

I always had a ton of string tinsel on the tree as a kid.  That's another tradition that changed when I became an adult, because the tinsel kept getting caught in the beater bar of the vacuum.  It seems that the vacuum had an outsized impact on my Christmas traditions.  At least I never bought one as a Christmas gift. :)

I definitely agree that Christmas should be about the memories.  As a kid, we always drove around town at least once to look at Christmas lights.  That's a tradition I carried on and I think my kids still do it with my grandkids.  Also, as a kid we were allowed to open one gift on Christmas Eve.  That's another tradition I carried on as a young dad.

I do have a couple of Christmas gift memories from my childhood that I'd like to share.  My mom used to let us shake the boxes.  One year in particular, she got my brothers and me ice skates.  I shook the box, and part of the blade shot through the side and I figured out what it was.  I then realized that my brothers each had a box that was about the same size and I pointed this out to them, spoiling part of the surprise.  My mom was p1$$3d at me for that one!  Another year, my brothers and I received sleeping bags.  We slept in the living room for a week afterwards.  Which brings up another story...

There was a year where I was a single dad.  1.0 had left and I hadn't yet met 2.0.  I decided to get my younger daughter her first bicycle as a Christmas gift.  I made the mistake of telling my older girl about the gift, at which point she got really upset because she wasn't getting a "big gift."  To calm her down, I promised that I'd get her something big.  I searched... and searched... and searched... for the right thing, spending hours racking my brain and browsing dozens of stores, looking for the right gift.  It had to be big, but it also had to be inexpensive because money was really tight that year.  I finally thought I had figured it out.  When I spied the sleeping bag, I remembered how much I loved getting one as a kid, and how much joy and practical use it gave me for many years to come.  Yeah, that was a mistake.  She hated it, and I still hear about it at least once a year, even though she did come to appreciate it when she had big sleepovers with her friends in following years.  I'm glad we can all laugh about it now, and I'm glad she knows I really tried.

My favorite tradition is getting Christmas ornaments for the wife, kids, sons-in-law, and grandkids.  This tradition actually started while I was married to 1.0.  One year the cat knocked over the Christmas tree, breaking dozens of expensive, hand-blown Christmas ornaments.  1.0 was wildly upset, so I bought her an ornament.  She loved it, and that's where the tradition was born.  The tradition continued after we split up, because she took most of the ornaments with her when we split up, so I had to rebuild.  That first year, I bought a bunch of unpainted ceramic ornaments and painted them with the kids.  I also bought a glass snowman ornament with a girl on each side of the snowman, representing my girls and me.  The kids loved that, cementing a tradition that's continued for decades.  This allowed me to send ornaments with my kids when they left the nest, and I've hit a point where I have more ornaments than tree space, so I have to rotate every year, though "rotate" is too formal of a term.  We just open a random box and start there, and we quit when we feel the tree looks full.

I call myself a minimalist because I don't deck out my entire house, I don't blow a ton of cash on gifts, and I don't host a huge Christmas gathering.  I'd like to clarify though that shedding the excess allows me to focus more on the aspects I enjoy.  I love my tree and the memories that come with each ornament.  I love getting new tree baubles for my family.  I very much enjoy sitting on the love seat with 2.2, watching Christmas movies one or two at a time between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  I look forward to spending Christmas with my younger daughter, and her new family, which includes a large family on my son-in-law's side.  It's wonderful that I've hit the point where I can primarily kick back and enjoy.  For those of you who go all out, I'm not judging.  You do what makes you happy.  I fully support it!

I'm a Christmas Minimalist

Today's post is inspired by Sunny, who wrote a couple of posts about Christmas.  Based on my readings, Sunny is one of those folks who looks forward to Christmas all year long and goes all out for the holiday.  That's not how I operate.

When I was a kid, I remember getting a live tree every year, decorating the tree, and having a lot of Christmas cookies.  My brothers and I spent a ton of time looking through the Sears catalog (remember those?!?!) and building a Christmas list.  The tree was brimming with presents.  We spent at least one evening driving around town looking at Christmas lights while drinking hot cocoa in the car, singing Christmas carols during the drive.  On Christmas day, my dad, my brothers and I would go pheasant hunting while mom made dinner.  (As an adult, I learned this was done to get us out of the house so mom could cook in peace.)  As you can see, Christmas as a kid was all about receiving.

When I was in the military, I went home for Christmas a couple of times, but for the most part, Christmas wasn't a big deal.  Immediately after I left the military, everything was flipped on its head.  I was newly married and we'd just had our first daughter.  Wife 1.0 was all about gifts and appearances.  As a young father, I disliked going to the lot to find the right tree, because it was expensive, 1.0 was incredibly picky (wanting a Cadillac tree on a bicycle budget), and worst of all it was cold!  It seemed to me like we spent every day from Black Friday to Christmas Eve buying stuff and setting stuff up, only to tear it down on New Year's Day.  The kids wanted a ton of stuff but it was mostly untouched by end of January.  1.0 was horribly difficult to shop for, and she was never satisfied with what I bought.  Add financial stress to the mix, and you can certainly understand that Christmas stressed me out.  And did I mention the cold?!?

Things eased up a little bit when 1.0 and I parted ways.  I no longer had to worry about meeting her standards.  But I did have to start shopping for my two girls.  That was also hit or miss.  I didn't have to put up as many decorations, but what I did, I did solo.  Dinner was also all... on... me.  And did I mention the cold?!?

Things have gotten better since those days.  Wife 2.2 (she's the second wife, hence 2.x, and she's got a new knee + new lenses in her eyes to fix cataracts, making her wife 2.2) made things a lot easier. She's much more low-key.  She took over shopping for the girls, and quite frankly she's better at it than I am.  She's content to spend one day putting up decorations, she's far easier to shop for, and we work together for Christmas dinner.  Somewhere along the line, we got a good artificial tree.  I miss the smell of a real tree, but it's so much faster and easier!  The fake tree has lights built in, so it's up in about 10 minutes and fully decorated in less than an hour.  The ornament collection is wildly eclectic, with each ornament telling a story.  It's still cold outside, but over the years I've managed to acquire high-quality cold weather attire, so I don't mind as much.

As a young adult, I spent a lot of time and energy working to satisfy a woman who couldn't be satisfied, and trying to please fickle children.  As the one who handled the budget, Christmas stressed the living Sh!+ out of me.  The result was that I downright resented Christmas and only focused on the commercialism.  When I remarried, I gained a partner who helped me carry the load.  When the kids moved out, expectations dropped further, which allowed me to start seeing Christmas through fresh eyes.  I fully embrace the fact that I'm a Christmas minimalist.