I had a Dream

I had a dream. It was an unusual, quirky dream with feats of derring-do, celebrity encounters, cops, bad guys and in keeping with true dream form, lots of unexpected plot twists. The dream started with an announcement that the Eagles were doing another tour - "Hell Freezes Over, Again." To make matters even easier and better, they were playing a concert right here in my home town, so sexy wife and I decided that it was too good of an opportunity to miss.

True to dream form, the concert started immediately after we bought the tickets, and we got front-row seats. The venue was a dream-combination of small theater and convention center... a small, intimate setting with seating for only 500 or so. Before long, the concert began, but we didn't really have a chance to get in the flow. The second or third song (Pretty Maids all in a Row) was interrupted by the sound of police sirens. I had a bad feeling about things and told the wife to duck. We ducked just as two women came bursting into the room with guns a-blazin. True to Hollywood form, people panicked and the stampede began. The women, focused on killing one another for God-only-knows what reasons, kept bustin' caps at each other, coming toward the still-concealed Mr. and Mrs. Evan.

When they got about a foot away from me, I siezed the momentary opportunity to take control of the chaotic situation. One of the women ran out of ammo, and the other tripped. I grabbed the gun from the woman who ran out of ammo while the other woman was off balance, and before anyone knew what was happening, I had the other woman in a choke-hold, with the (empty) gun at her temple, screaming for her to drop her weapons. My bluff worked. Either she didn't know that I had taken the other woman's gun, or she didn't know that said gun was empty, because when I put the gun to her head, she dropped her guns and raised her hands in surrender.

The dream takes a brief fast-forward here. The women are now gone (ostensibly in jail) and we are sitting in a hotel lounge at a table next to Glenn Frey and Don Henley, who are talking to a couple of guys who were in high school with me. (I didn't really like either of these guys in high school... they were both pretentious pricks, but that's another story.) Hot Wife and I walked up to the band members, thanked them for their shortened performance, told them that we understood why they were cutting the concert short, and I said that I hoped today's incident didn't permanently drive them away from our town.

We all finished our drinks and left the hotel, and that's where the dream ended. When it ended, it was almost like a spoof on a movie or TV show. As we walked off into the sunset, I asked my wife why the cops never barged in, possibly mistaking me for one of the bad guys. I noted that my blood pressure never went up, even when the bullets were flying, and that nobody was injured. I observed that nobody gave a second thought to the fact that I managed to subdue both of these villainesses. The cops never asked for a statement, nobody thanked me, and nobody told me that I was an idiot for what I did. Everyone knew that this isn't something that happens every day, but everyone looked at this as if it was something I was perfectly equipped to do, almost as if I did it on a daily basis. It was as if my subconscious figured out that I was dreaming and then decided to spoof itself.