Happy Birthday Osama bin Laden

Dear Osama,

My fellow countreymen and I were recently stunned to discover that yesterday was your birthday. We were a little disappointed that you didn't invite us to your party, but understand your decision considering the strain our relationship has suffered over the last decade or so.

Despite our differences, our soldiers in Afghanistan have expressed interest in delivering you a small payload gift in honor of your 50th birthday. All you need to do is let us know where you'll be and what time you'd like us to drop it off, and we'll do the rest.

Let us help you celebrate your 50th birthday with a bang.

Sincerely,

America