Mea Culpa

Mea culpa - noun - an acknowledgement of your error or guilt

My older daughter and I were having a conversation today, which devolved into an argument.  Well, not exactly an argument, as much as her telling me that I haven't been giving her the support that she needs... that she thinks I'm disappointed in her.  How we ended up there really isn't important for the purpose of what I'm writing at the moment.  What IS important is that she feels I'm disappointed in her, and that's not the case.  I suspect that when I told her this during our conversation, she felt a little bit better; but that's not good enough, so I'm here, now, writing this to acknowledge my failure to make her feel significantly loved and accepted. 

Bakin, I really don't know where to start, except to say I'm sorry.  This isn't going to be an "I'm sorry, but..." type of apology, either, just me saying that I'm sorry.  You, my wonderful daughter, are one of the greatest things in my life, and based on our conversation earlier, I have failed to sufficiently express how incredibly blessed I am to have you in my life.  This is a shortcoming as a father, and as a man.

I am pleased that you're enjoying cosmetology school, and am tickled that you're at the top of your class.  I'm impressed that you can do this while holding down two jobs.  Though I obviously haven't said it enough, I have noticed how little time this leaves you for leisure, and other optional things, like sleep.  The fact that you manage to do all of this while pregnant makes me all the more impressed with you.

You should understand though, that the pride I've just expressed is a woefully incomplete picture.  Your presence is a treasure...  YOU are a treasure... a treasure that I want to selfishly hoard until my days on this earth have come to an end.  I'm not just proud of what you're accomplishing now, I love the woman you're becoming.  I love the child you were.  And like many parents before me, I realize that in the blink of an eye, you will be starting your own life.  I may occasionally joke about how I'm looking forward to being an empty nester, but believe me, I will miss you terribly.

Bakin, I've been writing this for almost 90 minutes, and this is all I have to show.  The fact is, I can't adequately express how wonderful you are.  I know that I am pretty good with words, but I'm not going to sufficiently express myself today.  So please know that I do love you, and I am proud of you.

Dad

And yes, dear reader, if you were paying close attention earlier, you will have noticed that I will soon be a grandfather.