Tartar Removal Device

Yesterday, I went to the dentist for my semi-annual cleaning. While the hygienist was scraping the tartar off of my teeth, I asked her "Is this tool specifically for removing tartar?"

"Yeah," she answered.

"So it's a tartar removal device?"

"Yeah. Where are you going with this?" She knows I'm a smart ass.

"Well, you could call it a TRD (pronounced turd) for short."

She laughed and said "I don't think that's politically correct."

"Yeah, but it gets worse. You could even say to your patients 'Hey, how do you like that TRD in your mouth?'"

Perfect Day

Yesterday I experienced something I haven't had for quite a while -- a perfect day. It all started by sleeping in, but not sleeping so long that the day was gone before I even woke up. The next hour or so consisted of ingesting my morning coffee and surfing the Internet.

After that, I spent a little time playing Halo 3 online, where I was pleased to find that Microsoft may have finally fixed their Xbox Live Connectivity problem. (I won't say that it's fixed for sure though. One single problem-free day doesn't negate three weeks of problematic connectivity.)

Sexy wife and I had a quiet, peaceful afternoon where she read a book and I noodled on my guitar for a while, and then we went on a double date with my former roommate and his significant other. We hit the movies and saw I am Legend, a movie that pleasantly surprised me. Don't get me wrong, I like Will Smith and knew it would be a good movie, but I was happy to find that the movie wasn't a cookie-cutter Hollywood plot.

Following the movie, we all went to my favorite Mexican restaurant and had my favorite Mexican meal. Their fajitas are the gold standard for fajitas, the service is top-notch, there is almost never a wait for seating, and the ambiance is cool. My favorite location was a bank at one time, so you can imagine how the marble and engraved ceilings add to the atmosphere.)

Once we finished eating, we came back to mi casa, where our friends were introduced to the Xbox 360, featuring Rock Band and a brief introduction to Halo 3. As expected, they were a little disoriented by Halo 3, but Rock Band was a hit. Mrs. Former Roommate was very shy about singing, but we all had a blast. The game is a lot of fun for beginners and experts alike, and the default three-person configuration allowed us all to take turns resting and playing each instrument.

After they left, the Mrs. and I kept playing Rock Band for a while, where I made her jealous by getting two 100% vocal performances in a row. Adding insult to injury, one of the songs features a female vocalist, and in both cases I was just goofing around... improvising humorous lyrics, and making an all-around fool of myself.

These days don't come around very often, so I make sure to savor them when they do. The spell was shattered this morning when I got a work call at 6:58 AM. Oh well, back to reality.

In Support of Scouting

For no particular reason, I awoke this morning thinking about outdoor activities I enjoy, such as camping and canoeing. While thinking about how many months it's been since I've done anything outdoorsy, I also thought about how long I've been doing this kind of stuff (longer than I can remember) and where I learned my love of nature and the outdoors. I learned it courtesy of the Boy Scouts.

As I say this, I don't want to discount or dismiss my parents' contribution. One of my earliest memories is going fishing with my dad, and I also remember family vacations where we spent a week camping throughout South Dakota. (We even ended up in Sturgis during bike week, but that's a story in itself.) But it was scouting that really refined and cultivated my love for the outdoors.

I don't want to come across as a scouting fanboy though. I have one major beef with the Boy Scouts of America, and that's their intolerance for gays. I get that scouting provides an opportunity for predatory gay pedophiles to prey on innocent young boys, but being gay does not automatically make one a pedophile. With that said though, I believe that scouting has many more positives than negatives.

Scouting taught me a lot more than canoeing and camping though. I also learned how to swim, learned first aid skills, gained leadership and teamwork skills, and was taught preparedness and survival skills. (I've forgotten most of my survival skills, but have excelled on preparedness.) I went camping year-round (many, many camping trips in freezing weather, some were below-zero), hiking in the spring, and canoeing in the summer.

By the way... I never made Eagle Scout. Scouting gave me a lot, but I didn't get the self-discipline needed for some of the requirements until later in life.

Oh, I get it... the RV is a Metaphor for my Life

I had a weird dream last night. An old friend of mine dropped by for a visit. I hadn't seen her in years, and she was driving her RV across the country. After introducing her to the family and asking her if she wanted to see the local sights, we packed up the RV and were soon driving through the countryside.

Next thing I knew, we were driving along a winding road next to the river and I was suddenly driving... only I wasn't really driving. I was still in the passenger seat and the steering wheel was too small and sensitive - almost like a joystick with the sensitivity set too high. The scenery was bouncing by as if we were on a cheap soap opera TV set, not like real life. I was uncomfortable driving, but was able to maintain control. I ceased enjoying the scenery and focused intently on keeping the RV on the road as the curves became progressively tighter. As we rounded a bend, I pressed the brake, but the RV didn't slow down. The scenery continued to bounce, and the family began to get tossed around in the back of the RV.

I looked over at my friend, who was still sitting in the driver's seat, complete with a steering wheel and all of the normal driver's controls, and told her that the brakes weren't working and that I needed her to press on the brakes with me to slow down the RV. We both pressed on our respective brake pedals, yet the RV maintained a constant speed.

Suddenly we rounded another curve that double-backed on itself and I was unable to keep the RV on the road. We went off the road and into the river with a splash. As the RV began to sink into the water, I helped the wife and kids out of the RV. Fortunately the water was only knee deep, but it was cold. This also kept the RV from completely submerging, but we were definitely stuck.

Next thing I knew, we were all on an island in the river. The sun was warming us, we were in summer attire, and there were beach chairs for each one of us. I briefly focused on getting the still-stuck RV to shore and back on the road, but soon set that aside as the family urged me to let it go for a bit and enjoy our day at the beach.

I generally don't remember my dreams, and on the rare occasions where I do, I don't spend a lot of time dwelling on them. I do, however, believe that dreams can occasionally offer some insight that the conscious mind misses. In this case, I think the RV is my life, and my dream was a reminder that even if things get out of control, the consequences aren't going to be as bad as I fear and that no matter what, I've got my family with me. And my friend? Well, she was simply the person who delivered the metaphor.

Snap to It

When it comes to cleaning my house, I have a cycle. This cycle is a result of an ongoing battle with the kids. You see, I like a clean, tidy home, but the kids don't care. I've tried talking, yelling, begging, pleading and bribing, but nothing will get them to clean up after themselves. The result is my cleaning cycle.

The cycle starts with me getting so neurotic and uncomfortable with the mess in the house that I go on a cleaning binge. I usually feel the binge coming on, so I tell Hot Wife that it's coming and she happily volunteers to get the kids out of the house for the day. I get the house cleaned, the wife and kids get to shop, and they don't have to clean house. Everyone's happy, except that I inevitably throw out lots of stuff and it always includes something that someone wanted kept. But hey, if they'd have put it away in the first place, it wouldn't have been tossed.

During the next phase, I follow the kids around for a while, nagging them about every little cup, plate, piece of food, school bag, and item of clothing that's not immediately put in its proper place. "I spent days cleaning this house, and you can't take a few seconds to clean up after yourself?" I remind myself of my mother when I do this, but I can't help it. (Incidentally, my mother eventually lost the war of cleanliness and now has one of the dirtiest, most cluttered homes imaginable. I hope that I don't end up like her.)

Over time, I tire of the nagging and accept that a certain amount of clutter is inevitable. This is the beginning of the end, as the acceptable amount of disorder is directly correlated with time. The more time that's passed, the more messiness I tolerate. I try to do spot cleaning here, but eventually realize that it's not worth it and eventually the house becomes a den of disorder.

Once the clutter hits, I try to find one small space in the house that I can keep clean and tidy, but eventually that small space disappears and I find that I can't relax in my own house. Then I snap, kick everyone out of the house and the cycle starts over.

The cycle started on Saturday. I kicked everyone out and spent about eight hours cleaning Saturday, and another three to four on Sunday (though I didn't kick everyone out on Sunday). I threw out a garbage can full of junk, donated two large boxes of household items to Goodwill, vacuumed up enough dog hair to create several boys' wigs (my dogs have short hair), and swept enough dust bunnies to effectively create a dust-St. Bernard.

But I feel better. I wonder how long the cycle will last this time.

Scanner and Camera Wizard

A while back, my Scanner and Camera Wizard broke. This really wasn't a catastrophic problem because I knew many other ways to get the pictures from the camera to my PC, but I must admit that it was a little frustrating. Every now and again, it got frustrating enough to actually try and fix the problem.

Today was one of those mornings, and the answer came quickly. After reading his entry, I suspect that we had the same problem, caused by the same registry cleaner. I attempted to thank him directly, but he's got a hella spam blocker on his blog.

Too Much Influence?

Today is the Iowa caucuses, and I, for one, am glad that it's finally coming to a close. I'm really tired of the unending barrage of commercials, unsolicited phone calls and junk mail from candidates asking for my support. And true to form, my (admittedly limited) experience with the candidates shows them making broad, sweeping statements designed to appeal to the masses without discussing how they plan to accomplish these goals. But that's not really what I want to discuss today. I'm more interested in talking about the hubbub from the media, claiming that Iowa and New Hampshire have too much influence in the election process.

The premise for these claims that Iowa and New Hampshire have too much influence, come from their small population size and lack of ethnic diversity. At first blush, I thought these were reasonable arguments, especially as I ran across statements saying stuff like "Iowa has more influence than California," and so forth. As I did a little more research though, I'm no longer convinced that Iowa holds an undue amount of influence. (I won't speak about New Hampshire's influence, because I didn't really research this aspect.)

One reason people are squawking about Iowa going first is that people from Iowa are always first to voice their opinion, and as a result, candidates that Iowans don't support may drop out before a more populous state has a chance to support him (or her, or it). Yeah, true that. But don't you think these politicians (or aspiring politicians) know their chances of winning -- or at least making a good show -- before deciding to drop out? This argument fails to consider that a candidate will certainly do their research before deciding to throw in the towel.

I'd also like to point out a Wikipedia article [sorry, I lost the link when moving this post], which undermines another argument against Iowa going first... the "they always pick the winners" argument." To make a long citation short, this provides statistics showing that the winner of the Iowa Caucuses doesn't automatically win their party's nomination... and in some cases, the "winner" ran unopposed. That's not exactly a win in my book. Even more ludicrous is a fast one that Jimmy Carter pulled in 1976. The majority of caucus-goers remained undecided (effectively saying 'none of the above'), but since Carter was second, he called himself the "winner." This shows that statistics can be manipulated, and that there's always a deeper story.

In conjunction with the "Iowa always picks the winner" argument, I'd like to say something else. If you don't agree with Iowa, then vote your opinion, don't follow them like a bunch of sheep because you want to say you voted for the winner.

At the end of the day, I really don't care if Iowa loses its first-in-the-nation standing. I'd be quite happy if states took turns. As for our mainstream media echoing the typical "not fair" cry of other states though, I'd really appreciate it if you'd report the whole story or just shut the fuck up, instead of parroting all of the whiners. By the way, since the Iowa caucuses will be over tomorrow, I expect you to be out of Iowa by sunrise. After all of the press, commercials, junk mail and unsolicited phone calls, I kind of miss the relatively mild irritation of the Enzyte commercials.