Snap to It

When it comes to cleaning my house, I have a cycle. This cycle is a result of an ongoing battle with the kids. You see, I like a clean, tidy home, but the kids don't care. I've tried talking, yelling, begging, pleading and bribing, but nothing will get them to clean up after themselves. The result is my cleaning cycle.

The cycle starts with me getting so neurotic and uncomfortable with the mess in the house that I go on a cleaning binge. I usually feel the binge coming on, so I tell Hot Wife that it's coming and she happily volunteers to get the kids out of the house for the day. I get the house cleaned, the wife and kids get to shop, and they don't have to clean house. Everyone's happy, except that I inevitably throw out lots of stuff and it always includes something that someone wanted kept. But hey, if they'd have put it away in the first place, it wouldn't have been tossed.

During the next phase, I follow the kids around for a while, nagging them about every little cup, plate, piece of food, school bag, and item of clothing that's not immediately put in its proper place. "I spent days cleaning this house, and you can't take a few seconds to clean up after yourself?" I remind myself of my mother when I do this, but I can't help it. (Incidentally, my mother eventually lost the war of cleanliness and now has one of the dirtiest, most cluttered homes imaginable. I hope that I don't end up like her.)

Over time, I tire of the nagging and accept that a certain amount of clutter is inevitable. This is the beginning of the end, as the acceptable amount of disorder is directly correlated with time. The more time that's passed, the more messiness I tolerate. I try to do spot cleaning here, but eventually realize that it's not worth it and eventually the house becomes a den of disorder.

Once the clutter hits, I try to find one small space in the house that I can keep clean and tidy, but eventually that small space disappears and I find that I can't relax in my own house. Then I snap, kick everyone out of the house and the cycle starts over.

The cycle started on Saturday. I kicked everyone out and spent about eight hours cleaning Saturday, and another three to four on Sunday (though I didn't kick everyone out on Sunday). I threw out a garbage can full of junk, donated two large boxes of household items to Goodwill, vacuumed up enough dog hair to create several boys' wigs (my dogs have short hair), and swept enough dust bunnies to effectively create a dust-St. Bernard.

But I feel better. I wonder how long the cycle will last this time.