Note to the Road Raging Driver from Yesterday

Before I start this letter, I need to set the stage. I was driving down a two-lane road that's also a bridge underpass. Turning right immediately before the underpass will place you on the northbound freeway. Turning left immediately after the underpass will place you on the southbound freeway, and the two lanes merge into a single lane shortly after the underpass.

As I approached this intersection, I saw at least ten cars in the left lane and no cars on the right. Since it was rush hour (or at least what passes for rush hour in our little corner of the world), I figured everyone wanted to turn left to the freeway and I chose the right lane, whizzing by everyone in the left lane. Catching up with the lead car in the left lane, I was a little surprised to see that neither that car, nor the car behind it turned left onto the freeway. No big deal. I fired up the old left turn signal, looked in the mirror to make sure there was enough space, and safely merged between the first and second cars before I ran out of road.

Looking in the mirror after finishing my merge, I saw the woman behind me exaggeratedly clapping her hands, as if for a retarded child. Realizing that she was pissed at me (for no reason), I gave her an exaggerated wave of thanks in return, which she immediately answered with the finger. I slammed on my brakes. I was tempted to pull over and chew her ass out, but that's really not my style. I'm generally a mellow driver, even when other people are rude and stupid. This bitch got my blood boiling, but I figured it was best to let it go and write a little open letter to her later. Here goes.

To the road-raging bitch from yesterday:

Hi. Remember me? I'm the guy who "cut you off" yesterday at the freeway underpass. Please allow me to humbly apologize for my turn signal's failure to notify you that I did in fact plan to merge. While I'm at it, I should apologize for the bright yellow sign's failure to catch your attention, so you would know that lanes were merging. I will also apologize for the road designer's failure to foresee that you would one day be inconvenienced by my thoughtless driving. And finally, allow me to apologize for violating your two-car-space-cushion-at-25 miles-per-hour rule.

Bullshit! What the fuck, bitch? Was my turn signal not bright enough for you there, queen of the road?!? Is it somehow magically my fault that the city engineers decided to merge the roads at that point? Maybe somewhere in your little self-absorbed world you thought that you were more important than me, more pressed for time than me, and that you managed to magically convey this knowledge to me, yet I callously disregarded you. Yep, somehow the fact that I did everything required before merging was completely insufficient for you, so you decided to flip me off.

And then, to top it off, what's the next thing I saw when I looked in the mirror? You, flapping your yap on your cell phone! So let me get this straight... I did a legal merge, used my turn signal, checked my mirrors, and even turned my head to make sure that I had room to merge; then you flipped me off while you babbled on your cell phone?!? Methinks you need a couple of classes... an anger management course and a refresher in driver education. Until then, put your sanctimonious finger away, hang up the phone, shut the fuck up, and drive.