Greenpeace Criticizes Microsoft, Nintendo

Who'd have thunk it? What's the world coming to when Greenpeace starts criticizing Microsoft and Nintendo? On the surface, the whole brouhaha appears to be over whether or not Greenpeace thinks these companies are green enough. The real reason is far more serious, according to my inside source.

It all started when what's-his-name, you know, the president of Greenpeace, decided that he'd like to raise Greenpeace's profile by having them featured in a video game. The plot line was really simple... save the planet. He had the entire story laid out... an opening movie that showed evil corporate fat-cats polluting the air and water while they sat in their board room and smoked cigars made with slave labor. From there, the player was recruited by Greenpeace and would take part in "peaceful" protests... freeing test animals from research labs, using boats to stop whaling, "clogging" polluting drainpipes with small explosives, and "borrowing" electric cars for the cause.

As a player successfully passed more levels, they would move up the Greenpeace ladder of leadership. (The ladder was made of hemp, of course.) If you failed, the evil corporations caused global warming of catastrophic proportions, leading to a cataclysmic explosion of our planet. If you won, the earth was saved, leading to a final Garden of Eden scene, complete with vegetarian people living in trees and wearing fig leaves, as they joined hands and sang Kumbaya.

Unfortunately for Mr. President-of-Greenpeace, the execs at Microsoft and Nintendo didn't buy the idea, figuring that the game wouldn't sell. This left Greenpeace no alternative other than to smear the good names of Microsoft and Nintendo by claiming they're "not green enough."

You heard it here first.