An Open Note to my Brother-in-Law

Steve,

Broken hearts suck.  Right about now, you’re probably going through the motions of living, but you feel like you’re having an out of body experience.  You wish that you could just go to sleep for a couple of months, but the sleep won’t come.  When it finally does come, it’s not because it’s bedtime; bedtime has long passed.  You fall into a fitful state of half-consciousness out of sheer exhaustion.  The first couple of times you don’t dream at all, and you wake more tired than if you hadn’t slept at all.  The next couple of times the dreams are as vivid and memorable as a movie, but you’re still exhausted.  When you want to cry, the tears won't come.  When the waterworks start, they're unpredictable... sometimes it's a quick tear and a wistful sniffle.  Othertimes, you want to quit and just can't. I’m sorry you need to experience this.

When you’re not sleeping, you’re alternating between avoidance and obsession.  You want to take your mind off of the situation, so you play video games, but that hot chick in GTA IV with the nice rack inexplicably reminds you of her.  Every song, movie, article of clothing, and street corner somehow draws out a long-dormant memory of how it used to be.  Then you obsess and start to wonder what you could have done differently.  You want to ask her questions to find out what you did wrong.  I’ve felt your pain.

You’ve probably realized that things would be easier if she were dead.  At least then, you wouldn’t have to worry about running into her at (insert location here).  You wouldn’t have thoughts of revenge… the incessant desire to try to win her back… you wouldn't wonder if she’s already found somebody new.  Your friends, in a desperate attempt to cheer you up, tell you to hang tough, but the words ring hollow.  They tell you they’re sorry, but you feel like you’re the first one who’s experienced this pain.  Life sucks right now.

It’s funny how you had never realized how appropriate the term “broken heart” actually is.  Even when you’re at your happiest, (no, least unhappy more accurately describes how you feel) your heart still feels heavy and slightly numb.  Your stomach feels full of rocks.  The butterflies you felt when you first met have turned to big, hairy moths.  You forget to eat, and then you gorge yourself, if the knot in your belly will relax long enough to let food pass your esophagus.  Even drinking a glass of water is a chore.

You intellectually realize that it will get better, but that doesn’t make it suck any less right now.  You somehow know that you will be a bit stronger when this passes, but that’s no consolation today.  You know that a broken heart is part of life, and that virtually everyone has experienced this before, but you still feel alone.  I’m not going to give you hollow words of encouragement, but I am going to let you know that I’ve felt your pain, and tell you that you can give me a shout if you need to.