Bitter Pill

As I look at my situation, I can't help but wonder what the hell I'm going to do now and how we're going to make it... how I'm going to make it. Part of me wants to become a victim and blame my former employer and my co-workers. Another piece of me wonders if it's all my fault. In the end I always remember that the truth is somewhere in the middle.

When I interviewed at my last job, I was given the impression that I was joining a family, not simply changing jobs. But the longer I worked there, the more I realized that I wasn't marrying into a family. I was a step-child who was grudgingly adopted. I was greeted with mistrust and skepticism and was never able to overcome this feeling. It's difficult to commit yourself to a family that doesn't welcome you.

Losing this job is not horribly different from a divorce. There is a little pain, a little anger, and a little relief. I could play the part of the jilted lover and express anger or plot revenge, but that wouldn't help anyone. It wouldn't help me.

I will say this though. I spent the majority of my time there as a burned out employee. I tried to fit in, but there comes a point where you simply try to make it through the day. For a long time I told myself that I was happy there... that I was making a difference. But I knew better.