I'm Too Young for This Shit

Nostalgia: A longing for something past.

Ever since my miniature class reunion last month, I've been planning to break out my high school yearbook... to see who I remember, what I remember, and what I've forgotten. I finally did that today. While I was digging through my memorabilia, I also found an old letter from a high school teacher, an some commemorative yearbooks from the Marine Corps. The whole experience was a huge, wistful trip down memory lane.

The first thing I looked at was the letter, which was painful. Like I said in the last post, I had a lot of respect for the guy. The note was very personal, talking about some of his regrets, and the knowledge that I'll never speak to him was poignant.

My senior yearbook was a trip, but for significantly different reasons. I couldn't believe how many pictures were completely unfamiliar to me... especially considering that I went to school with these people for four years. And the stuff that was written. I was pretty selective about who wrote in my yearbook that year... I wanted to stick with people I'd remember, and who meant a lot to me during the year, as opposed to getting every Tom, Dick and Harry to write something meaningless. What struck me was how many of those signers I don't remember, and how the common theme was that I was a wild man who partied just a little bit too much. Man, I remember being a partier, but I didn't realize that I was such a wild child.

What REALLY kicked me in the ass though, was the military stuff. And they didn't really jog my memory directly... what they did was remind me of some significant aspects of my enlistment. For most people, the high school years are the golden years... the time filled with nostalgia. This wasn't the case with me. For me, my time as a Marine were, for lack of a better term, my formative years. They were my closest friends; this period brings back the most vivid nostalgic memories; this was the time that I came in to my own as a man.

These books in and of themselves weren't that vivid. But they brought back memories of my deployments, and of my time at the now-defunct MCAS Tustin. The nostalgia caused me to do an internet search on MCAS Tustin. Last time I visited California, I drove by the now-closed base. It brought back a flood of memories. I resolved to return again in the future, but to find a way to sneak on to the base and get some pictures. After my internet research, I realized that this would probably never happen... the city of Tustin has a massive development plan underway for the base, and by the time I get back out there, the place I remember will be completely non-existent. That hurt a lot.

I've always been the type of person who remembers the past, but looks forward. I recognize the need to preserve history, but I also enjoy the prospect of what the future holds. This trip down memory lane... the realization that some of MY history will soon cease to exist... the knowledge that I will never see many of these close friends again... that was painful. I'm too young for this shit.