I Guess I Want Aggressive Kids

While surfing the internet this morning, I read yet another article correlating corporal punishment and aggressive behavior in children. The article starts off by saying that "the American Academy of Pediatrics does not endorse spanking for any reason," and continues by citing a recent study from Tulane University showing that children "who were spanked more frequently at age 3 were more likely to be aggressive by age 5." The implication of the article is relatively clear... parents who spank their children are bad people. If that's the case, then I guess I am a bad parent who wants aggressive kids, because I spanked my children. Not only did I spank my kids, but if I had to re-raise my girls, I'd do it again.

There are several flaws with the correlation of spanking and aggressiveness... For example, exactly what behavior constitutes aggressiveness? How can causation be proven? Is aggressive behavior necessarily a bad thing? If one child takes another child's lollipop, is this aggressiveness or is it ignorance? Is it logical to assume that all children are blank slates and that spanking is the cause of aggressive behavior? Isn't there a fine line between aggressiveness (which is considered bad) and assertiveness (a desirable attribute)?

Those who oppose corporal punishment advocate time-outs instead. They say that spankings instill fear instead of understanding, and that spanking models aggressive behavior as a solution to problems. Once again, the researchers aren't looking at the whole picture. They're ignoring the unmistakable fact that eventually, little Jimmy will say "No!" when you send him to the corner. What's next? You say, "Go to the corner, or I'll tell you to go the corner?!?" No. There's got to be a nuclear option when it comes to raising children... a form of punishment that the child cannot resist, and that gets her immediate attention. Furthermore, using fear as a punishment doesn't cease when a person reaches adulthood. People don't drive the speed limit because it's the right thing to do, they do it because they're afraid of the fine and increase in insurance rates. People don't pay their taxes because of some internalized moral obligation, they do so because they're afraid of the consequences of NOT paying taxes.

I can't speak for everyone else, but I can say that by the time my kids were six months old, they started displaying individual personality traits. Both of my girls were happy, curious and mellow. When my older daughter started learning to roll over, however, she got cranky. She was irritated that she couldn't do it quickly. She was frustrated with the learning process. They were not carbon copies of one another... they had unique personalities. As a result, each child required a different method of instilling discipline. I certainly did not spank each child the exact same number of times during their upbringing.

I was blessed with mellow, happy children. If they would have been aggressive though, it would have been my job to channel that aggressiveness in a socially acceptable way. Taking another kid's Legos at recess is not acceptable. Wanting to have the top score on the math quiz, however, is socially desirable. We as parents are not here to create identical children. We are here to guide our kids in their journey through life. Sometimes we can't guide them gently... sometimes our kids need a firm hand.

If my thought process is wrong-think, then I guess I'd rather have aggressive kids.