Herding Cats -- A Ramble About Raising Children

I've heard it before, and I'll say it again... raising children is like herding cats. It's not something that you control, you can only coax and guide. It's frustrating as hell, and sometimes you can only laugh at the absurdity of the whole affair. Between sick kids, issues at school and the inevitable parent-child conflicts at home, it's no small wonder that parents go gray (or bald) earlier than adults without kids. A couple of examples...

My older daughter is sick today. If it was me that was sick, I'd still be going to work, but she's got no tolerance for any sort of physical discomfort; when she's even the slightest bit sick, she's down for the count. I've tried in the past to have her suck it up and go to school, but in the end I always get a call from the school and end up at home anyway. Additionally, my ex-wife never seems to be able to take the time off of work when the kids are sick, so it's always me that ends up taking care of the kids when they're not feeling well. Fortunately, I have a job that allows me to effectively work from home, and an employer who understands my situation. Part of me enjoys the opportunity to work from home occasionally, but part of me feels guilty too.

Last night we had a parent-teacher conference for my younger daughter. I've come to the conclusion that I really don't like her teacher. My little girl is a good kid. She's kind, considerate, good in math, and a budding musician; but she has a hard time with reading. My wife reads with her every night before bed, and she is getting some additional help from the school, but she still struggles a bit. She seems to be catching up with her peers, and fortunately she enjoys reading, so in the end, I think she'll be fine. But I don't think the teacher is giving little 'un what she needs as a student. Last night my wife asked whether the kid's slow reading is only when she's reading aloud, or also when she reads silently. The teacher didn't know. I asked the teacher to measure this, and she looked at me like I was an alien (as in outer space, not another country). Additionally, the teacher seems very rigid and is incredibly over-zealous about charts, graphs and statistics on performance. Data is a good way to give an overview of a kid's performance -- both on an absolute level and as a measure against peers -- but my daughter is a person, not a number. Throughout the course of the school year, I have seen my daughter's love of learning decline significantly. And considering that she's never had any doubts about school before, I can't help but think it's because of the teacher. I only hope that her teacher hasn't permanently killed her love of learning.

And finally, while we were at the teacher conference, my older daughter decided to stay home and play with some friends. While we were gone, they trashed my house. Toys strung throughout the house... clothes thrown around everywhere... clean clothes mixed with dirty ones... half-full glasses of juice and pop all over the house... general mayhem. My wife and I are both neat freaks by nature. We understand that our kids aren't naturally tidy, so we tolerate a certain amount of clutter and disarray, but the fact is, when we look forward to coming home and are greeted with a trashed house, we want to just turn around and leave again. We've tried everything to get the kids to help us out... allowance, family cleaning time, rewards after cleaning, grounding them when they don't do what's expected... nothing works. It's an ongoing battle, and my wife and I are once again frustrated to the point where I'm almost ready to declare all-out war against my childrens' piggish ways. At the same time though, I need to make sure that this is a battle that I really want to fight. After all, cats are inherently hard to herd, and my little kittens are no different. I need to make sure that the battles I pick are the ones that really matter... school, staying away from drugs, safety on the Internet... In the grand scheme of things, how important is a clean house?