My younger daughter came home the other night with quite the story to tell. It seems that there were two boys in her class who claimed to have had sex with her. The boys are eight and my daughter is nine, and they're already spreading rumors about who's had sex! I remember in high school the constant rumors about who was a slut, who was a prude and who was a tease, but notice I said that I remembered this stuff from high school, not third grade.
My daughter did the right thing. She went and told the principal, who took matters seriously. He took no immediate action other than giving them a "stern talking-to," but part of the talk was a promise that if they ever did this again -- from now until they're out of elementary school -- that he'd suspend them.
She said that she was nervous about talking to me... partially because she was afraid that I'd go ballistic on the boys, and partially because she was embarrassed talking about... you know... sex. Since this was a sensitive issue for her, I let her talk for a while before saying anything, and when she slowed down, I asked follow-up questions, designed primarily to keep her talking to me, so she would feel less uneasy with the prospect of talking to dad about sex.
She told me how she found out, about calling the boys on their lies, about going to the principal's office, and how the principal handled the situation. After all of that, I told my girl that she was brave for going to the principal, and for coming to me. I told her that she did the right thing, explaining that if she hadn't gone to an adult, nobody could have helped her make it stop, and I told her that she'll probably need to do something like that again in the future.
I told her that she had done nothing wrong, but she might feel like she did. I explained that some friends would believe her and think the boys were poopie-heads (she giggled a lot when I said poopie-heads, so I used the term a lot after initially introducing it), but others would believe the boys and think that she was a fartknocker. (She giggled at that one too, so I kept using it as well.) Fortunately, everyone seems to believe her, and the boys have been completely ostricized from their peer group. Hopefully it will teach them a valuable lesson.
Despite the fact that it was my little girl that was the target of these rumors, I'm not angry. What the boys did was uncool, but I remember being a little boy and doing things that weren't cool. Additionally, I don't think this was an issue of "boys will be boys." I think this was an issue of "kids will be kids," and I think that the adults involved did a good job of addressing the situation appropriately. Of course the only thing that will prove or disprove my thoughts is whether or not the boys try anything like this again. Overall, it was an unpleasant situation that couldn't have been handled any better.
My daughter did the right thing. She went and told the principal, who took matters seriously. He took no immediate action other than giving them a "stern talking-to," but part of the talk was a promise that if they ever did this again -- from now until they're out of elementary school -- that he'd suspend them.
She said that she was nervous about talking to me... partially because she was afraid that I'd go ballistic on the boys, and partially because she was embarrassed talking about... you know... sex. Since this was a sensitive issue for her, I let her talk for a while before saying anything, and when she slowed down, I asked follow-up questions, designed primarily to keep her talking to me, so she would feel less uneasy with the prospect of talking to dad about sex.
She told me how she found out, about calling the boys on their lies, about going to the principal's office, and how the principal handled the situation. After all of that, I told my girl that she was brave for going to the principal, and for coming to me. I told her that she did the right thing, explaining that if she hadn't gone to an adult, nobody could have helped her make it stop, and I told her that she'll probably need to do something like that again in the future.
I told her that she had done nothing wrong, but she might feel like she did. I explained that some friends would believe her and think the boys were poopie-heads (she giggled a lot when I said poopie-heads, so I used the term a lot after initially introducing it), but others would believe the boys and think that she was a fartknocker. (She giggled at that one too, so I kept using it as well.) Fortunately, everyone seems to believe her, and the boys have been completely ostricized from their peer group. Hopefully it will teach them a valuable lesson.
Despite the fact that it was my little girl that was the target of these rumors, I'm not angry. What the boys did was uncool, but I remember being a little boy and doing things that weren't cool. Additionally, I don't think this was an issue of "boys will be boys." I think this was an issue of "kids will be kids," and I think that the adults involved did a good job of addressing the situation appropriately. Of course the only thing that will prove or disprove my thoughts is whether or not the boys try anything like this again. Overall, it was an unpleasant situation that couldn't have been handled any better.
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