... that being a parent can be a real bitch sometimes? You may recall that my older kid is grounded because of poor grades. Well, the kid decided to defy the punishment for two days in a row. As you can imagine, that's caused more than a little hate and discontent in the house of Evan.
Two days ago, she chose not to take the bus straight home from school so she could have a little make-out session with her boyfriend. Forty-five minutes after she was due home, I called her and she informed me that she was getting a ride home from boyfriend. Thirty minutes after that, I called again and she was "still on her way home." Did I mention that school is only ten to fifteen minutes away? For this little escapade, I added four days the grounding punishment.
Yesterday, she got a ride home from youth group... the only activity I didn't take away during her punishment. Not only did she get a ride home, but she got a ride from neighbor girl's boyfriend (neighbor girl is my kid's best friend), and she stayed over at neighbor girl's house for about a half hour. When she came home, she acted as if neighbor girl's mom was the one giving the ride, and as if she had come straight from youth group. The thing is, I SAW what had happened. Oh, BTW, she's not allowed to ride in cars with friends that I've never met! For the second day in a row, she defied my punishment, and then adding insult to injury, lied about it. I grounded her for an additional two weeks and the shit hit the fan.
After the arguing, I started realizing that the additional grounding probably wouldn't have the intended consequences. Instead of learning her lesson, I saw her defying me more. I saw the tumultuous relationship I had with my dad when I was a kid. I saw the end of the special relationship I have with my older daughter, but I was backed into a corner. I had to punish her, the punishment had to be strict, but no good could come from the punishment I had set forth.
I talked to my mom to vent, and I talked to Mrs. Evan for a solution. I finally came up with an answer. She's not grounded for an additional two weeks. Instead of that punishment, she's essentially in isolation until Christmas Day (which is the original month, plus the four days for the boyfriend violation). The isolation means that in addition to being grounded until Christmas, she has also lost computer privileges, phone privileges, and she is forbidden to ride to or from school and youth group with anyone other than the bus or me. This way there are additional consequences, but peace is restored to the family.
This parenting thing can be a real bitch.
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3 comments:
I remember being punished as a teenager and telling my parents to their face that I hated them, that they were totally unfair and all the usual cliches.
As an adult I'm just thankful that they actually gave a shit and cared enough to make themselves unpopular for my well being.
Just remember, teenagers think they're indestructible and think they know everything...which is a REALLY dangerous combination if you don't have a parent to put the brakes on occasionally.
Basically, you have a choice. Be a PARENT, occasionally be unpopular but watch your kids grow into well-adjusted, responsible adults...or let them do whatever they want to avoid arguing and keep your popularity...and watch them grow into spoiled, irresponsible assholes.
It's pretty obvious which choice you made.
I leave you with a quote I heard somewhere:
"There are two ways to do do things. The easy way and the hard way. The main difference between the two is the hard way actually works."
Ammendum:
Shortly after writing the above Sunny asked me which 'choice' I thought you'd made.
I thought it was pretty obvious that you'd chosen to be a parent.
I'd thought I'd clear that up, just in case.
Yeah Paulius, you're right. I'd choose the job of parenting over the pleasure of the relationship if push came to shove.
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