Relax, You'll Live Longer

Today's post is directed at Sunny, but I hope that it'll make sense on a larger scale. I read her July 4 post and was struck by this little nugget...

Do you SEE now why I don't relax and enjoy life any more than I do????? The last time I let my guard down, I ended up with a 4AM visit from Kathy and her mom telling me my son was gone....this time it was an emergency C-Section when everything was going so smoothly.

Sunny, you've got to relax. Fortunately, Dr. Evan is here with some pop psychology that's going to change your life. This tough love is going to be a bit of a bitter pill to swallow, but you'll be a better person for it. (Holy sh!+. Was that an awesome string of cliches or what!?)

There are really two problems with constantly keeping your guard up and not relaxing. The first problem is that it's really bad for you. It's bad for you physically, and it's bad for you emotionally. Physically, constantly being on guard is stress. And I know that you've heard what constant stress can do to your body... high blood pressure, sleep problems, digestive problems. And guess what. At one point or another, you've posted about all of these these things. Your body is protesting against your constant state of alertness.

Psychologically, it's bad for you too. Constant stress wears out your brain, and you can't enjoy life. Have you ever noticed a dog that's constantly afraid? Head low, tail between it's legs, hunkered down, slinking from place to place, constantly tired from shaking? Just waiting for the next catastrophe to happen? I hate to tell you this Sunny, but when we're stressed, we aren't that much different from dogs.

Now comes the second problem with your 'constantly alert' mentality. It's the part that's more difficult to internalize, but you can't get past your current frame of mind until you understand this... your constant worrying won't change anything. Let me say this again, in the hope that you truly understand it. YOUR CONSTANT WORRYING WON'T CHANGE ANYTHING!

The way you phrased things in today's post led me to infer that, somewhere in the recesses of your mind, you believe that if you had kept your guard up, Marie's baby would have been delivered with no complications... that if you'd kept your guard up, that Clay would still be alive. This is what you seem to believe, but intellectually, you must realize that it can't possibly be true. If you had stayed at the hospital, the complications would have still occurred. Marie still would have had to go in for a C-section. The baby would still be fine. And, because a C-section is still an operation, you still would have missed the birth. Your state of mind had absolutely zero impact on the outcome of the situation.

Now... let me take this a step further. Not letting your guard down is actually detrimental to your ability to cope with stressful situations. Here's how it works. You spend all of this time stressed out... worrying about bad things that can happen... wearing out your body, mind and spirit. Just when you think that you have every possible solution for every conceivable tragedy, life throws you a curve ball. You're pissed at yourself for not being there... for not being ready for this unexpected event. You find a way to blame yourself. And you suffer as a result. Your blood pressure goes up. You lose sleep. You end up in the hospital sometimes. All over something you couldn't have possibly controlled.

This cycle should have happened enough times that I can impress this next bit upon you... A constant state of alertness on your part won't change the outcome. Life will surprise you. Allow me to suggest that you learn to relax, react, and keep things in perspective.

Let me use my brother as a(fictional but realistic) example. He's a bit of an obsessive-compulsive. He went on vacation once upon a time. The guy flew halfway across the country to go on a fishing expedition. At his first layover, he started wondering if he turned off the gas to the house before leaving. Being the obsessive-compulsive, he was so worried about the gas that he worried for a full day. He was so worried about it that he called my parents and asked them to drive to his house (two hours away) to verify that the gas was indeed turned off. It was. He relaxed, and the next day his son (who lives with his mom) was arrested for possession of marijuana.

The story above is fictional, but illustrates my point. If my brother had kept worrying, would that have prevented my nephew's arrest? Sunny, you need to relax. Enjoy life and go with the flow. Your constant worrying serves absolutely no purpose, other than stressing your body, which is detrimental to your health, and reduces your ability to cope and react when a real problem arises. Besides, life has repeatedly shown that it can surprise you despite your best efforts to plan for everything. Give it a rest. Give yourself a rest. Relax. If you follow this not-so-subtle, not-so-humble recommendation, you'll find yourself enjoying life more, and you'll see that you're more prepared for life's next curve ball.