It's Good to be a Guy

I'm a guy, and damn proud of it. I'm a beer-drinking, cigar-smoking, gadget-loving, fart-joke-telling guy and I love every minute of it. I don't play games in my relationships, I tell it like it is, I stand on my own two feet, and I freely admit my shortcomings.

What is it with men today? Am I the only one who thinks this whole metrosexual thing has gotten completely out of hand? It's bad enough that women spend billions of dollars per year on cosmetics, shape-enhancing clothing and body-enhancing surgery, but that's almost understandable. After all, women have been told for generations that "looking good" was one of the most fundamental things about being female. But now, men (though I hesitate to use that word in this context) are buying in to the same line of crap. They're out getting manicures, botox injections, and spending obscene amounts of money on the latest fashion trends. Hell, there's a guy I work with that wears make-up to conceal the bags under his eyes. Make-up!! I don't think of the bags under my eyes as flaws to be hidden, they're battle scars, received during my twelve-plus years as a parent and my nearly twenty years of being an underpaid cog in the corporate machine -- battle scars that I show with pride. What ever happened to driving a fast Camaro and wearing jeans and a T-shirt?

I'll tell you what happened. It was a combination of marketing and femi-nazis. It all started with the feminist movement. Women (rightly) began demanding equality. The idea of equality is great, I'm all over it. But somewhere along the line, women realized that equality required that women start doing some things that men traditionally did. I suppose they realized that they didn't want to be turned into men with wombs, so they started trying to feminize us instead. They started innundating us with the whole "you don't talk to me enough" crap. Next, they started trying to get us to wear pink. Before we realized what happened, we were wearing make-up and getting botoxed. What the fuck is wrong with us?!?

I think it's time for men to take back the penis. After all, what has surrendering our masculinity accomplished for us? Do women buy us drinks in bars? No. Don't they still get pissed when we fail to hold the doors open for them? Yep. Do we get laid more? I don't think so. Those metrosexual pseudo-males are just fooling themselves. Oh sure, they may have more female friends, but in the end, they're just that -- friends. Women say they want a sensitive, communicative, thoughtful man, but they still go after men who are men.

I'm not advocating that we try turn back the social clock... that a woman's place is in the home, that a man is the king of his castle, or anything like that. But I am saying that it's time for women to realize men that are NOT just women with a penis. We think different... we behave (or misbehave) different... we ARE different. Women, let us be men. Men, quit trying to be women.