Friday, August 5, 2005

My Thoughts on Enzyte

Everyone's heard them... the commercials for Enzyte, "the once-a-day tablet for natural male enhancement." Every time I see or hear a commercial for Enzyte, I can't help but laugh. When I see the commercials on TV, I can't help but chuckle because the commercials are witty and amusing, and the perma-grin on Bob's face is just hysterical. I smirk when I hear the commercials because of the absurdity of "natural male enhancement" and I can't help but throw out a few involuntary guffaws at men's insecurity over their penis size.

Let's think about this for a bit. I'll admit that a lot of women think that penis size is a factor in sexual gratification, but every time package size comes up (no pun intended) in my conversations with women, they say that it's a factor, but it's not the end-all, be-all of a sexual encounter (thank God for that). But just for the sake of argument, let's assume that size really is all that matters.

If size were really all that mattered, and assuming that Enzyte did work as advertised wouldn't every man on the planet be using Enzyte? That's the thought that really gets me laughing my ass off. Let's picture it for a second. Little Joe discovers that Enzyte makes his schlong bigger. He gets more confidence, gets the women, and can... ummmm, deliver... when it's crunch time. Suddenly, Average John isn't getting the chicks and wonders why. Eventually, in a drunken stupor, Little Joe (who's not so little anymore) lets his little secret slip. "I'm taking Enzyte, the once-a-day tablet for natural male enhancement."

Average John now knows the secret and starts taking Enzyte. Now Little Joe (who's not so little anymore) and Average John (who's not so average anymore) are both more confident and they're getting all of the women. Suddenly, Big Jim's not scoring, and of course he's wondering why. Before you know it, Average John (who's not so average anymore) lets it slip to Big Jim (who's not so big anymore, because he's not on the Enzyte yet) about the magical pill known as Enzyte, the once-a-day tablet for natural male enhancement.

And soon, Big Jim (who wasn't so big anymore, because he wasn't on Enzyte) is now taking Enzyte too. Now, every man who's a man is taking Enzyte, the once-a-day tablet for natural male enhancement. So Little Joe isn't so little anymore, Average John isn't so average anymore, and Big Jim is in on the secret too, so he's not Big John anymore, he's Huge John... and relatively speaking, everyone's back where they started. Meanwhile, every woman on the planet is a little happier, "because size is all that matters" and Enzyte, the folks who bring you the once-a-day tablet for natural male enhancement is ecstatic. So are their shareholders. But again, relatively speaking, the guys are all back where they started, because everyone's member grew by such-and-such an amount. How could anyone with half a brain help but laugh at the thought?

I'll bet you thought I was going to endorse it, didn't you?

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