Love is a Good Thing

Tonight's one of the first nights I've had alone with my sweetie for quite a while. Now, I've got to preface this by saying I love my kids, but at the same time, I love time alone with my honey too. Anyone who's a parent will surely understand this.

This isn't the first time I've been in love. Looking back, I'd say this is probably the third time I've been in love. But there's something different about this one. It's deeper... more natural... less complicated...

I'm not going to even discuss the first one, because that was somewhere between puppy love and real love. The second time I fell in love -- my first real love, was with my ex-wife. I was in love with her for twelve long years. I don't need to discuss why our relationship failed, but I will say that it was her actions that caused the divorce. For almost twelve years, I busted my ass to make the relationship work. She was demanding, argumentative, and irresponsible, but I loved her. I spent a lot of time walking on eggshells, wondering when the next drama would occur, but I loved her. When we parted ways, I was crushed and wondered if I would ever find love like that again.

After a time, the grieving became redundant, I decided to move forward with my life, and I started dating again. But one thing I knew was that I wouldn't "look for love." I knew that if I looked, I'd either be too picky, or that I'd end up settling. Neither option was appealing to me, so I decided to take it one day at a time. I figured I'd play the field, see what comes along, and ride the ride with no preconceived notions. During the ride, I dated a few women. Some of them were just plain fucked up. Some of them were good women, but the spark wasn't there.

But in the end, I lucked out... or, more accurately, God allowed me to meet the right woman. To make matters better, I didn't have to play the field for that long. We met at a wine tasting party and I knew almost instantly that she was special. I've discussed her a few times in earlier entries, so I won't rehash that. But I will say that she's more special to me today than she was when we met.

The love that we have is one of the most natural things that I've ever experienced. I can't gush about her enough. She's smart as a whip. She loves my kids. She's emotionally together and solid. The only reason I don't wonder "Why didn't I meet her first?" is the realization that if I hadn't, I wouldn't have my kids... and I wouldn't trade them for the word -- despite all I had to tolerate during my first marriage.

When I wake up in the morning, I look over at her, and I'm at peace. I can't help but reach over, caress her soft, milky skin, kiss her gently and be happy... even knowing that I have to go to work. When I get out of the shower, and she's moved to my side of the bed (because it smells like me), I smile and go all gushy inside.

When I get to work, I think about her periodically every day and all is right in the world. When I get the occasional email from her, it's even better. Sometimes I can't help but send her a quick note just to let her know I'm thinking of her.

When we get home from work, we always take a minute to just hug and look into each other's eyes. We don't immediately say anything, we just hold each other, and the stress of the day evaporates, and we're ready to take on the world... or at least relax for the rest of the evening, or play with the kids, or whatever.

There's nothing like laying together on the couch. Sometimes we talk. Sometimes we watch a movie. Sometimes we just "be together." But no matter what, it's as good as any high I've experienced in my life.

When we go to bed, she's the last thing I see at night. We always cuddle for a few minutes, and all is right with the world. On the rare occasion that I have insomnia, I can watch her sleep and I'm content.

Sure, we have our occasional off days. We don't argue though. We express our concerns and disagreements, but we always realize that we're in love, and that we're in it for the long haul. I've never experienced anything like it. Though I love my kids as much as I love her, it's different. Parenting is more confrontational, because kids naturally push their parents' limits. This is calm... soothing... comforting... exhilarating... LOVE. This is the woman I'm choosing to spend the rest of my life with. That said, I'm gonna get back to the couch and snuggle with my sweetie.

NOTE: Tonight's entry is a little different from most nights. This entry is a stream of consciousness, as opposed to me going back and editing what I'm saying. There's no checking for typos, no checking for grammatical errors, and no editing for clarity. Tonight, I'm speaking from strictly from the heart. It's probably a little more disjointed than most entries, but I'm talking about love