In Appreciation of Beer - A Love Story

Today's a lazy day in the house of Evan. We're experiencing a bit of a cold snap with the weather (it's 50 degrees below zero with the wind chill) and the kids are having their second snow day in a row. Last night, they stayed up late reading, and each of them is currently crashed on a sofa, with a dog is curled up on the floor at each child's feet.

It's a non-work day, there's nothing to read on the internet, I can't watch TV or play on the Xbox because I don't want to wake the kids, and I don't want to start cleaning up the house for the same reason. What else is there to do? How about cracking a mid-morning beer, relaxing and blogging? Sounds like a great idea. That brings me to my topic for the day... beer.

I've been a consumer of alcohol for over half of my life... most of that time I've been able to drink legally. This doesn't include the times during my childhood where my dad would let me take baby sips of his beer, so I could feel like a big boy. When I started drinking, I didn't like beer. It was so bitter that I nearly wretched with each sip. But that's what you get when you start out on crappy American beers... Budweiser, Schlitz, Grain Belt, Pabst Blue Ribbon... they all taste like bitter water with carbonation. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I started out drinking fruity little girly drinks like wine coolers and hunch punch. I didn't learn to appreciate beer until a couple of years later.

The military is what really gave me an appreciation for all things beer. There were several reasons that I acquired the taste for this wonderful beverage. Drinking is part of the military culture; a high alcohol tolerance is a sign of masculinity, but consuming frilly, girly, fru-fru drinks like cosmopolitans is highly frowned upon. Combine this with the rediculously low pay of a junior enlisted man, and beer is the only real choice that remains. Besides, everyone knows that alcohol tolerence is something that's built over time. I know too many people that started out drinking hard liquor, got drunk too quickly, passed out, and ended up being the butt of many, many practical jokes. Learning from other people's mistakes, I chose to nurse a beer, thus avoiding the humiliation of being stripped naked and placed in a random bed in the women's barracks.

Over time, I got to a point where I could stomach beer without wretching... and then I went overseas. Once I left the states, I was introduced to a veritable cornucopia of "foreign" beers, each one better than the last. I encountered these beverages through my own natural inclination for new and exotic experiences -- my desire to savor the local flavor, if you will -- and because I saw the disdain the locals expressed when my military buddies would ask for an American beer while overseas. No matter where I went, people outside of the States universally agreed that American beer was crap. As I continued to explore the world, and the different beers available, I quickly came to agree with that position. My favorite beer at that time was Foster's. That era of my life gave me an appreciation of all things beer.

In those days though, I was young and stupid. Yes, I had learned the subtle variations of beer, but I drank mainly to get drunk. As a loose analogy, this period of my life also taught me the subtle variations of women, but I mainly looked at them as a way to get laid. At the end of the day, if you only care about one aspect of a beer (or a woman), you end up missing out on the things that makes each one unique. You're also willing to lower your standards in order to get what you want. As a result, I learned to appreciate good beer while I was overseas, but I went back to crappy American beer when I got back to the states.

Eventually, I settled down. I got out of the military and became a family man. This placed priorities on providing for the family, and removed my need to go out socializing so much. As a result, I drank a lot less. This allowed me to buy a few good beers, as opposed to buying a lot of crappy beer. I learned a bit about different kinds of beer, and began to sample a wider variety of designer brew. Over time, I discovered that my favorite beers were unfiltered wheat beers... my favorite to this day.

Wow! This certainly didn't take the direction I suspected that it would. When I started writing, I pictured a bunch of random quotes about the hoppy, malty goodness that is beer. Oh well, I've written far too much to turn back now...

But with that said, there is something awesome about beer. It's a great way to unwind at the end of the day, or for a break on a hot summer day, or to relax with a few friends. Beer is an ice-breaker and a stress-reliever. It's got enough alcohol to induce the relaxed feeling that booze provides, but the content is low enough, and beer is filling enough to help you pace yourself and make sure that you don't end up pissing your bed because you're so drunk that you don't wake up. Beer is our friend.

By the way, I have once again turned to crappy American beer for my day-to-day consumption. This is a nod to the economic realities of my life. But I still treat myself to a good brew every now and again... just to remind myself that they're still out there.