Was A PhD Required to Figure This Out?

I read an article today entitled "Longer Needles Needed for Fatter Buttocks." I wonder what rocket scientist first figured this one out? Oh wait, it was probably a medical doctor, and he probably got millions of dollars in funding from the government in order to help reach this stunning conclusion. I don't know what part of this article is worst... the fact that this "study" was needed in the first place, the fact that the government quite possibly funded this "research," or that our illustrious media actually believed this piece of gross common sense was actually newsworthy.

I think I'm going to ask the government to fund my study to determine if hitting your thumb with a hammer causes pain in that thumb. I will need several million dollars for the research, a few thousand hammers, and a few thousand subjects willing to repeatedly strike their thumbs with a blunt instrument. You'll know what my results are when Reuters publishes them on page one.