It’s Not Exactly Flying

"It's Not Exactly Flying" is Part Six of an Interactive Serial Novel, inspired by the word verification feature of blogger. The story is centered around "words" that were created by the word verification feature of blogger, but defined and submitted by readers of this blog. You may want to refer to the dictionary from time to time as you read this story.

Click Here for Part I

Click Here for Part II

Click Here for Part III

Click Here for Part IV

Click Here for Part V

“If you’re going to be a superhero – especially an intergalactic superhero – you need an image,” my voice continued. “And even a superhero needs behind-the-scenes help.” The creature turned my head and looked at Tammy and her boyfriend hopefully. “What do you say, will you help us rid the world of evldnzn and mullets?”

“Okay,” they both said, somewhat reluctantly.

“I’d much rather have been the superhero,” Tammy’s boyfriend lamented.

“Great, now let’s work on the image. Any thoughts,” my voice queried?

“Well, I kind of need to know the extent of my power,” I interjected. “Before we work on the specifics of my image, I need to know what I can and can’t do. Can I fly?”

“Yes, you can use your flatulence to propel you through the air for very short distances, but it’s not exactly flying. It’s more accurate to say that you can slow your fall to an extent where you won’t get hurt.”

“What other powers do I have?”

“You’re familiar with the ozukma. You can also deafen your opponents by loudly channeling your gas. You can nauseate your opponents into submission using particularly pungent gasses, or you can pacify them by generating fragrant odors. Use the anal cavity to employ these powers on a large scale, or orally for a powerfully channeled employment of your powers.”

“So wait a minute, you’re saying my shit doesn’t stink,” I wryly inquired?

“Not if you don’t want it to,” my voice confirmed.

“This is gonna be fun! Since I can’t really fly, I need some sort of transportation. Something cool like the Bratmobile.”

“How about a horse,” my inner voice inquired?

“Well,” Tammy countered, “It’s pretty tough to configure a horse for intergalactic travel. Besides, have you looked at the equteg on those things lately?”

“Yeah, besides, I don’t want to end up bow-legged. Nothing cornier than a bow-legged superhero,” I finished. “How about a fafkmno? I’ve always wanted one of them. Just imagine the awe we'll inspire in our fans, and the terror we’ll instill in our enemies when we zzseiyrn by them, on our way to another fashion emergency! Besides, it’ll be really easy to load it up with all of the qozxras it’ll need for intergalactic travel. If we want to really trick it out, we can drop it a few inches and drive with a really good ianvew. I’ve Uftwnt a dropped fafkmno.”

“That sounds pretty cool,” Tammy and her boyfriend agreed.

“How about a catchphrase,” my inner voice wondered.

“Zbugi,” we all said in unison.

I noticed that I was becoming incredibly tired, and started to drift off…

“HEY!” my inner voice screamed. “Can you not everozp? We’re trying to turn you into a superhero, here!”

“Sorry,” I muttered.

“How about a kltbonho as part of your costume,” asked Tammy’s boyfriend? “I’ve always been really fond of kltbonhos,” he finished.

“I don’t think so,” I countered. If I’m going to end up doing any semblance of flying, I don’t need people distracting me from the task at hand by looking up my kltbonho. Besides, isn’t that kind of giving your opponent a peek at your… ummmm… arsenal?” I couldn’t help but grin at my own pun.

“Ohhhhhh. That was just awful,” Tammy and her boyfriend exclaimed, trying to suppress a laugh of their own.

“Look, I’ve had a long day and I’m kind of tired. Can we pick this up tomorrow?”

“Sure,” my inner voice agreed. “Tomorrow, we’ll discuss the rules of engagement, and do a couple of practice drills.”

“Rules of engagement? That may take a while for me to learn. I’ve always been podrmy,” I said hesitantly.

“We’ll worry about that tomorrow,” my inner voice offered. “For now, let’s have a fjdaq and nyhltosv to the end of crappy galactic culture.”

“To the end of crappy galactic culture,” we toasted.

After finishing our fjdaq, we all laid down and started dozing off. At least I was dozing off. Tammy and her boyfriend decided that they couldn’t keep their hands to themselves. “Get a room,” I complained.

“You’re in our room,” Tammy rebutted.

“Jssllupyo,” I complained. They giggled between kisses, and I pulled the pillow over my head. I wanted to sleep, not listen to their sloppiness.

Drop by tomorrow for the seventh installment.