My Getaway Car is a Pinto

"My Getaway Car is a Pinto" is Part Four of an Interactive Serial Novel, inspired by the word verification feature of blogger. The story is centered around "words" that were created by the word verification feature of blogger, but defined and submitted by readers of this blog. You may want to refer to the dictionary from time to time as you read this story.

Click Here for Part I

Click Here for Part II

Click Here for Part III

I pushed the debris off of me and stood up. Once standing, I looked at the carnage I had created. I was surprised that I wasn’t hurt by all of the rubble that had fallen on me, and by the fact that I was so easily able to push it out of my way. But considering that I had recently destroyed a room by taking a whiz, I was a little less surprised by anything that had transpired in the last couple of minutes.

Just then, the door to my hospital room burst open. I turned around, ready to explain what had happened…

“Come with me,” the voice urgently demanded. It was Tammy.

“What!?”

“You heard me, let’s go,” Tammy commanded.

“Why would I go with you?” This whole thing kept getting weirder and weirder.

“Because if you don’t come with me, the doctors will literally test you to death, but never be able to tell you what’s going on. I, on the other hand, can explain everything. I may even be able to help you.”

“But how…”

“Here, put these on,” she continued, throwing me my clothes, “and hurry, someone will be here any second. After all, you caused quite a ruckus.” I silently obaead her.

In short order, I was dressed, and we managed to get out of my hospital room before anyone had noticed. In retrospect, I’m kind of glad that I wasn’t really sick at that hospital. If it took them several minutes to arrive when I literally brought the room down around me, I wonder how long it would have taken them to respond if it had been something a little less serious – like a heart attack. That’s the last time I go to a county hospital.

Once we were out of my room, we casually strolled out the front door. I continued following Tammy to the parking lot, where she headed toward a run-down Pinto in the back corner of the parking lot. That was when I noticed her boyfriend sitting in the driver’s seat of our… getaway car?

Remembering our last encounter, I was a little uncomfortable about running into Tammy’s boyfriend again, but I wasn’t going to let a little thing like fear stop me. “I could always pee on him,” I thought. That’s about the time that I was completely overcome by the sheer lunacy of my situation. I pictured myself as a superhero whose superpower was a superhuman stream of urine. I started laughing. “Maybe I could call myself the Golden Penis,” I thought. Soon, my mental imagery overcame me and I was doubled up in the parking lot, the gffuhz spewing from my belly.

Tammy stood over me, and I was jerked back to reality. I stood back up, still chuckling.

“Get in,” Tammy directed, opening the door. Apparently I was going to sit in the back seat. I hate sitting in the back seat, but considering that Tammy’s a big girl, her boyfriend was driving, and I had no idea where we were going, it was the best option.

“What I’m going to tell you will be a little tough to believe,” Tammy continued once we were all in the Pinto.

“Ummmm…. Let’s see here,” I retorted. “I got knocked out by a wimp, my shattered jaw healed in an hour, I destroyed a hospital room with my urine stream, and my getaway car is a Pinto. Let me guess at what’s next. You’re aliens, and my body has been taken over by some uncontrollable force that’s given me super powers.”

“Exactly,” her boyfriend confirmed, looking over his shoulder from the driver’s seat.

“Riiiiiiiiight.”

“The force,” Tammy continued, “isn’t really a force per se. The best way to explain it in terms you’ll understand is like a cosmic combination of virus, spirit and parasite.”

“That’s why we’re here on your planet,” Tammy’s boyfriend carried on. “It entered my body a while back, and we came here to either control it or remove it from my body. In order to do this, we need a specific combination of salt and vyrioclr. The problem is, vyrioclr is only found on your planet, and even here, it’s very difficult to obtain.

“Soairsa alien in me?”

“Yes,” Tammy confirmed.

“But how did it get from his body to mine,” I inquired?

“Funny story, that.” Tammy’s boyfriend answered. “Before I answer that though, sorry about hitting you.” I rubbed my jaw, remembering that punch.

“That was quite a wallop,” I grudging acknowledged.

“Yeah, that was the parasite. When it entered my body, it made me an incredibly jealous and angry creature. I’m not usually like that,” he finished apologetically. “Anyway, when I punched you, it must have jumped from me to you.”

“Am I going to end up like that?”

“We don’t know,” Tammy answered. “It acts a little bit differently in every host it enters.”

I started feeling a little sick at the prospect, and before I knew it, I had yaqd in the back of the Pinto. “Sorry, about that.”

“That’s okay, this isn’t our car."

"I've Got to tell you two, this is a bad time to have my body invaded. I've got tickets to see the aqvra tonight."

Drop by tomorrow for the fifth installment.